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Friday, October 14, 2005

The Married Coworker

It's 2:15 AM, I have to get up at 7 for work, and I can't sleep. Why? Because I have a crush on a married coworker.

It's been escalating for a few weeks. We've been working on a very intense project together, meeting three or four times a day, hashing out designs, confiding in each other about our aggravations with a superior, drinking when necessary, chatting on AIM, and just all around spending a ton of time together.

Two weeks ago we started a daily tradition of hugs. Full-on, 30-second, pause-to-feel-it hugs. The first time it happened was just after I'd had a confrontation with said superior, so he hugged me to show his support. The next day, he hugged me while we were going up in the elevator with several other coworkers, making a point to tell them, "How much he loves this girl." I've initiated too, hugging him once over the shoulder while he was sitting at his desk. We've hugged before going into meetings we knew would be dramatic, hugged when we got our way, and hugged at the end of the day when one of us was leaving work.

Given that I haven't had sex in a year, let alone held hands with a guy, this much physical contact has been unusual -- and naturally, I'm falling for him.

He's taken me to lunch, and insisted on paying. He's gotten jealous when I've met with the other art director on the project and didn't invite him to the meeting. Last week, tears welled up in his eyes when I told him that I was being taken off of the project in order to work on a new project out of a satellite office. He said he felt like I was breaking up with him. He's since sent me several emails telling me how great I am and how much he's going to miss me. He's started repeatedly asking me if I'm going to be available to dial into meetings while I'm away. Yesterday, he asked for my cell phone number.

But none of this diminishes the hard fact that he wears a gold band on his left hand, ring finger. He is 100% married. But I can't help crushing on him.

Late last night, I bumped into him on the street outside our office -- he was just leaving, and I was going back to fix my email. It was pouring, and I was struggling with a wind-broken umbrella, my hair a mess, my face soaked. When he finally recognized me, he stopped me by grabbing my arm and asked what I was doing back at work. After I explained and it was time to say our goodnights, he voiced his displeasure that I would be out of the office today, but that he'd look forward to Friday. Then he leaned forward to offer me his cheek, gesturing me to kiss it. I did, ever so quickly, feeling his scruff against my face, and as I pulled away he sighed, "Doubles!" and shifted his head so that I would get the other side.

I'm not sure why moments like this are so visceral for me. My heart was pounding out of my chest. It had a weight to it, that moment. It wasn't the first time we'd kissed, or double-kissed for that matter. But it was dark out, raining, and standing there with him on the city street brought him out of the workplace part of my brain and into the familiar.

I haven't stopped thinking about him much today. That might be due to the fact that last night I had a dream where I kissed him, hard, and with tongue. He kissed me back. And in the dream, though I can't remember the details, he was married, and we knew it was wrong, but he didn't stop it. He was an amazing kisser, and when I woke up this morning, I convinced myself that he is an amazing kisser, in real life, and that in real life he wouldn't resist me. It was so vivid I can almost smell him.

Fuck, I'm horny.

917 Comments:

Blogger Roslyn said...

OMG, so I just googled "crush on a married coworker" and this came up as a top hit ... can I just say, I feel like you read my mind!!!

10/23/2007 5:35 PM  
Blogger B^2 said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10/26/2007 6:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also just googled "crush on married coworker." How weird.

Mine on the other hand is a woman. I try but I can't get her out of my head. She does similar things with me. Asks questions about me that seem completely out of the blue. Like she's checking on me behind my back. My boss said, "she asks about you and I think she likes you." Arrrgg! I really hate this feeling, cause I really like her.

B in D

11/10/2007 5:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!!! Im not alone!

I googled "crush on my married coworker...


i totally understand you! he has two kids.. hes married.. not even my type.. but thats exactly what Im going through with him I have never felt so safe with someone. We are spending way too much time together and he supports me with everything - something my boyfriend (ex) never did for me... He changed my flat tire.. etc. He hugs me every time he has a chance and it is a long hug too... I feel confortable. And today a coworker mentioned he was having problems in his marriage was about to get divorced... :/ OH God.

12/07/2007 12:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you love your self, run dont walk away from this man. He is married. DOnt be a homewrecker or a misstress. Is not worth it.

12/24/2007 11:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dang. I Googled "crush on my married coworker", too! He's married, no children, shrew wife (to hear him tell it, but I realize there are two sides to every story...). Four years I have worked with this man, and from the beginning we've laughed and enjoyed each other's sense of humor. No touching though...till today. Today it was his birthday and I kissed him. Just a little kiss...but...it's wrong and I know it.

9/19/2008 8:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I too googled "crush on married co-worker" and this came up. I was in your same situation except mine actually went into an affair. I don't regret it because I really have feelings for him and he is an amazing kisser. But when it was over it hurt like hell. BE CAREFUL!!

11/11/2008 4:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

okay, so at least now I know I'm not alone. I've been in love with a married coworker almost 30 years my senior. I've even submitted myself to really intense two week water fasts in an attempt to detach myself from earthly desires such as wanting to turn my head and kiss him every time he hugs me. I've decided not to do anything about it, not forget him, not pursue him.

1/20/2009 3:07 PM  
Blogger fallingforher said...

For cryin' out loud...can't we just fuck...can't I just go down on her??? Damn, I work with one of the sexiest women ever...a great mom, a dedicated professional, could be Brooke Shields sister. She is so hot and like my wife, 9 years my junior. Her husband is 13 years her senior. I swear to God if she complements me one more time, I am going to rip her pants off and damn when I complement her she totally glows...so friggin cute!!! Another co-worker commented that I never bothered to stop by their work area when her supervisor--the gal I am crushing on--was out of the office for the day. I shave my head and I know it was obvious that not only was my face red, but my dome must have looked like a patrol car roof light. I got it bad...but if feels good just talking about it. I think my wife suspects something too because she made the comment last week that it was a good thing my coworker is married...yeah right, I guess.

3/07/2009 12:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I google the same phrase...

I don't understand how such a situation like this could happen to me. He has a wife and I have a child. He's got age on me but I don't care. We've never touched other than the hands to get the others attention. What's sad is we work on the same team and I think our teammates think there is more there. When we're in group meeting we're sitting next to one another, if not he stares until I acknowledges his precence. He's a southern guy so he winks at me all the time. I will not be a home wrecker even though he's all I can think about.

10/02/2009 9:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG,ME TOO,I just can't stop thinking about him, He told me he is not happy with his wife,, but still, he is married. This is hard, don't know what to do

11/29/2009 7:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG The same thing has been happening to me for the past 5 years. I met a wonderful man it turns out he is married with 3 beautiful children and a loving wife. I have been in love with him the minute i set eyes on him. We have the greatest relationship in the world is like we are best friends when he comes to visit (he lives in another country) we are like boyfriend and girlfriend... we walk holding hands, he is so polite, so wonderfully detail oriented is like he always has me in the forefront of his mind, always bringing gifts for me. always making sure im comfortable, always making sure im safe... that im ok...
We talk about my feelings for him... we have gotten to the point that i feel free to tell him exactly how i feel when i feel it. He tells me he cares a lot about me... that im one of his bests friends and that he loves me and knows that if we were to get sexually involved i would get hurt and possibly his family. He is a very spiritual guy... i mean he is deeply involved with his religion and he is just the man of my dreams.... he is 14 years my senior... yet he looks my age!

The thing is that we have kissed 2 times and our relationship is already going into the sexual...we touch in our private places.... still is like we respect eachother a lot.. is not like groping but touching... we are both really hot for eachother and i don;t know what to do anymore :( Today... we kissed again... it was a short sweet kiss.... and the minute he ended it...he ran away... it's like he feels so guilty... he is doing this to his family... I on the contrary wanted more.... i would like to have sex with him... one day... not ready for that yet mentally... but i would love to have a really good make out session with him where i can get all this accumulated want out of my body....!!

Anyways... i really hope i can do something about this.... the more time goes by the deeper my feelings grow.

I mean i don;t want to break up his family, it is the most important thing for him....and whatever makes him happy makes me happy... i just wish we could compromise...

Anyways i had to get this out of my chest!

11/30/2009 12:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG I have the same issue. But my thing is that I have a boyfriend. I love my boyfriend very much, but my coworker just has the things that my boyfriend lacks. I have had dreams about my coworker for the last couple of weeks.

When ever I go to work and I know hes there, when we lock eyes my heart beats faster. I kind of have butterflies whenever were alone. WE flirt a lot, and I can feel the sexual tension sometimes and I know if we were truely alone, I know something would happen. But i know both of us would feel so guilty for doing so. FUCK i hate this feeling

2/28/2010 9:55 PM  
Blogger David said...

omg why is it iam horny for a coworker too

3/22/2010 11:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so happy to see that I am not alone. I have been working with this man for over 3 years and I am more and more in love with him everyday. He is 23 years older than I and also a VP in the company, so it's complicated. We are both married but it doesn't matter to me. A little over 2 years ago we actually kissed. It was after an office event and he was walking me back to my car. It was dark out and a light mist was falling. We hugged then kissed on the cheek and as we pulled away our eyes met and we just kissed. I still get tingles when I remember how great it felt. I wrapped my arms around him and he put one arm around by my back and lightly squeezed my rear with the other hand. It was so amazing. I can still close my eyes and relive the moment.

That was it though. Nothing ever since. I don't know what to do. We don't outwardly flirt like some of the other posts but that is because of his position in the company. But all I can think about is one night with him, just one night...

4/08/2010 3:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for posting this. I feel like I'm too old to be having crushes, but this man just does it for me. We're both married.

Nothing has happened but I dream about him and fantasize about him. Recently I dreamed of kissing him and going further.

He's not really my type, but he's sexy as hell when I'm looking into his eyes and the odd time he touches me (innocently), it makes me crazy. Just thinking about it, I can almost feel his hand on my arm. I like that he's older than me, and he's a great guy.

He asked me once if I wanted to have an affair. It scared me, so I just laughed at him. I think he was joking, but sometimes I wonder if there was some truth to the question.

I wish he would ask me again.

4/17/2010 7:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank-You for having this blog. I've had a crush on my co-worker for 4 years. He's married and has 3 kids and I'm in a serious long-term relationship, so I'm kicking myself for letting it get this far. Over the last 4 years we have become good friends and I must admit I question if he is just being 'nice' or if he has feelings for me too. My feelings for him have come and gone over the years so I'm hoping I can get through it once again. The problem is the more time I spend with him the more I fall for him. Previous times I have made myself unavailable and avoided him until I can get my feelings under control but this is a bad one. He is my first thought in the morning and I find myself not sleeping because I'm fantasizing about what would happen if we were alone for more then 5 minutes. I am attracted to everything about this man. It seems like we both find reasons to come talk to one another and recently he takes every opportunity he can get to touch my back or put his arm around me. We have have so many interests in common.....eghhhhhh This would be easier if it were just a little one time crush. I hate to say it but I think I'm slightly in-love with this man.
Thanks for having this blog so I could get it out. Wish me luck in doing the right thing.

6/01/2010 1:10 PM  
Blogger glutsch79 said...

Looks like I'm not alone in this situation. I've totally fallen for my married coworker. This started a few months ago when we got intimate with each other after a work outing. I never expected it to happen and while I feel guilty my feelings are growing stronger. We talk almost every evening for hours and have both confessed our feelings for each other. We've always connected as friends and when I initially got to know him I was in a very serious relationship. I'm single now and seeing someone but it has not developed into something serious. The rush, butterflies and intense fantasies are overwhelming. On one hand it feels so good but on the other it's super distracting and uncomfortable. I actually wish the feelings would dissipate and I could return back to earth. I know this is a no win, dead end, immoral situation. Let's face it guys what we're engaging in here can ruin lives. Still, I'm pleased to see a blog where people aren't casting judgement and calling us horrible people. Trust me I've read other posts and the reactions are less than pleasant when it comes to this. We're human and there's no hard and fast rules when it comes to emotions. Anyhow, I really hope this goes away. I've lost weight due to the fact that I can't eat because I'm so infatuated. Good luck to everyone!

10/17/2010 1:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have fallen in love with my coworker who is married with 2 kids in he's 30's he's wife doesn't have sex with him he says. We started as friends became very close I always went to him and trusted his advice about anything. Then he started complimenting me on how hot I look in my clothes and how big my chest is and what hed do to me if he had me alone..We definatley had alot of chemistry. Flirting all the time even with other people around like our boss.. It lead to touching and kissing when we were alone! Evenually sleeping together at work. Its been on and off for a year now and I honestly would do anything for this man. The second we have eye contact my heart melts! I could listen to him talk forever he's very smart and such a good father. Each time we have sex he says that he doesn't regret what we did but feels so guilty with his wife and tells me we have to stop. I then feel used and horrible, I get very sad and depressed. I'm upset with him and he says hes sorry then we just start flirting and everything starts all over again..like a cycle, he says he loves his wife but how could he if hes sleeping with me? I miss him when I'm not with him I think about him all the time. I feel like hes my best friend and lover I have so fallen for him. Friday sucks to say goodbye but cant wait to see him monday morning. I dont' even think I'd work there if he wasn't there. We fool around laugh joke and have the best time when were together! I know that he likes me and is attracted to me but wish he was mine! I wonder all the time when hes going to kiss me or want me again. I honestly don't think I will ever feel this way about anyone ever. I've been married and divorced with kids and never felt this way about my husband. I also wonder if hes cheating on her already and its only been 8years how are they going to last. What if someone founds out or if he was honest with his wife? What would happen? I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this man that I've fallen for...

11/02/2010 12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Similar situation we sit next to each other at work talk and laugh all day confide in each other about work stuff. I think about him all the time and hate weekends when I don't get to talk to him.

He is married and I have a boyfriend. I know that I feel sucj warmth and secual tension around him. I can't tell if he does too, and to be honest I hope he doesn't. He is spritual and a devoted husband which are 2 of the things I love the most about him so any type of affair would ruin my image of him.

It is not stopping me from having thoughts about what it would feel like just to have him touch my face and give me one long slow kiss.

AGHHHH whish I could stop he is so adorable.

12/11/2010 7:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a very happily married man, but I MUST work with an attractive divorced woman. After months I felt awkward enough, so I texted her (yes, there is an electronic trail...) that we are both vulnerable & that my wife knows that I like her a bit too much. All three of us have huge struggles with our emotions. I believe that I need to continue to discuss this with my coworker, as equals, in a mature, safe, & direct way so that we can still be friends, if possible. We just can't fool ourselves that nothing sexual would ever happen... She seems to have good morals & we have coworkers watching us like hawks! Awkward, but there is a solution...if at least one of us wants it. Possibly I could leave this job to save my marriage. This stuff happens...but I KNOW that I encouraged it in subtle ways. There is a disaster waiting to happen...but still time to stop it.

1/09/2011 7:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice to know I'm not alone. I have been crushing on my married co-worker for months now. At first I didn't know he was married because he didn't wear his ring....but one day while we were talking it caught my eye. I asked him if he was married he said yes and he also has 2 children.

He stated his wife was away for school. Long story short I went to his house on Friday and it was the biggest mistake EVER! We only kissed but now things are so awkward.

I don't know maybe he feels guilty, i know I did....I have a boyfriend and I felt terrible all weekend.....but now things just suck.

It's like he has to force himself to say hi to me when HE is the one that said don't be weird on monday. I don't get it. It was only a kiss but with all the weirdness you could swear we had sex or something.

Thank God I didn't, he really wanted to but I said no. I can only imagine how bad thimgs would be if we actually took it that far.

You know what sucks the most? I was pretty drunk that night so I don't remember how I was feeling while kissing him....I don't know if i felt a connection....that sucks.

But whatever, you live and you learn.

Thanks for letting me vent.

1/31/2011 6:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a swiftly developing crush on a married co-worker and, unlike several of the stories above, I think I might still be in a place where I can stop it from developing further. I have a boyfriend whom I live with and I work in a separate office building than my co-worker. We have never been intimate, or even alone for that matter, but we have flirted via emails and there's definitely tension when we're around each other.

As Natalie Portman's character in "Closer" says: "There's a moment. There's always a moment. I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it, and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one." I think this is my moment. I'm sort of on the precipice. It could get really complicated, or it could simply vanish. Can I get some advice from you guys?

3/19/2011 12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe so many people have googled the same topic as me!

I'm at the very beginning stages of a workplace crush on a man who is 16 years older than me, married, and holds a very high position in the company where we work. I catch him looking at me during meetings, and he's so not my type at all, but I'm drawn to his intelligence and some intangible quality I'm still trying to figure out. I try not to talk about him too much at work, lest other coworkers get suspicious by my curiosity.

I had a dream about him last night, which I know means I'm thinking about him more than I should. I'm completely single, nothing to lose, so let's hope this crush is and remains one-sided...

Good luck to everyone who finds him or herself in this situation!

3/19/2011 10:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So happy to see this blog so we can share the same guilty feelings. I've worked with a married man for several years now and we have always had this chemistry. I've wanted to kiss him for a long time but never thought about anything more until just recently when we were together for a work function. We were both drinking, and there was some intense flirting all night long and then finally we found ourselves alone and with an opportunity to take it further. He initiated a kiss that was UNBELIEVABLE - my heart melted. There was a little more action and then I stopped it from going too far knowing he is married and that we have to work together. I thought that just kissing him would get this feeling out of my system!

The problem is that now he is in my head! I cannot stop thinking about that night and how much I would have liked it to go further. We had a talk the next day and of course he blamed it on being drunk but we did admit we have this chemistry with each other. I think he is embarrassed and I know he is trying to keep things very professional now. I don't think he would ever cheat if her were sober. I on the other hand would - with no regrets for different reasons. I hate feeling this way and I know he probably does too but damn - he turned me on and now I am hotter for him than ever before. This sucks! How do I get him out of my head when I have to work with him?

4/14/2011 12:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arg! I, too, came here from googling "I have a crush on my married coworker". I don't know if I'm relieved or irritated that it's such a common problem.

I'm not married, but she is. She's just a few years older than me, and she has three children with her slightly older husband. I also know through overheard conversations and implications of context that their marriage has been a bit rough, and that she's quite jealous of his attentions even as she might have some wandering attentions of her own.

I don't think it's mutual at all; I can only think of one thing she's ever said to me that could be taken as flirting. That's good, I think, as it means there's a clear boundary in what could ever happen, and it keeps it firmly in my imagination where it belongs.

But damn do I feel like a lovesick teenager sometimes! I'm finding that I'm willing to watch her favorite movies that I otherwise would never have watched just so I have something to talk to her about later on, and I keep catching myself offering her help with work (or actually just doing it for her), as well as offering to do things for her beyond work stuff. I mean so far I've burned her a dvd of one of her favorite movies that she couldn't get any other way, but then I remember how I've offered to do so many other similar things for her and I wonder if it's just totally obvious that I"m crushing on her. And really stupidly, I find myself feeling jealous when she laughs with other guys at work. Oh, WTF am I thinking?

4/16/2011 12:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank god I am not alone. Happened to me on 4/14. Out at a work happy hour with a bunch of offsite coworkers and a guy who travels a lot and doesn't even live in the same country as me was flirting with me. I went to his hotel room and kissed a lot. Nothing more. We are both married. He is on a multiple number marriage. Me, I have been married to the same guy for over 13 years.

What is killing me is that:
1) I let it go too far.
2) He is married.
3) He isnt around.
4) I can't stop thinking about this guy even if I know it is going nowhere.

Well he has gone home to the other country and I won't see him for several months.

All I ask is that Father Time will work quickly and allow my brain to recuperate and move on from this great/bad awesome/horrible situation.

4/17/2011 2:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so happy to have found this blog. I too have been crushing on a married coworker. He is almost the same age as me. He is gorgeous! He does not work in the same office as me everyday but is in and out a few days each week. I started to develop feeling for him after having a conversation with him and asking where he is from. He lives over an hour away from me and was born and raised there. That did not deter my heart from wanting him. I opened up to him about some of my hobbies. He would kid around with me and tease me. Soon after, he was printing out stories for me to read and bringing them by my desk. He started to look for any reason to walk over to my desk. When ever he walk by my desk he is always staring at me. He has the most beautiful green eyes. I give him my most flirtatious look back. My heart beats out of my chest when I see him. I can’t eat when I know he’s in the office. I literally find myself sitting there trying to look as hot as possible. I flip my hair, I apply chap stick, I give him a little half smiles, I bite my bottom lip, I push out my boobs. I am like a crazy person. Sad part is, he is married and I am in a relationship. He has only been married a short time and even just had his first child who is an infant. He loves his wife. He wears his wedding band proudly. Me, I am happy in my relationship. I have my boyfriend’s picture sitting on my desk. I wear the promise ring he gave me on my left ring finger. We are both unavailable yet the sexual tension is strong between us. We recently started emailing each other back and forth with our work email addresses. We have not talked about exchanging any personal anything. I can tell he likes me. I know he can tell I like him. It just sucks that we can’t be together to see if there is a spark there. I do not want to come between him and his wife and I do not want to leave my boyfriend who is so good to me. I just dream of what it would be like to push him into a windowless room and rip off his clothes. I want to drag my fingernails down his back. I want to bite his neck. I was to explore his body with my mouth. I want to feel him inside of me. I have never felt this way about anyone before. There is something strange there between us. We both have drawn a line though that neither of us will cross. We know what is appropriate and what is not. I know I could never trust myself with him alone or anywhere alcohol plays a factor. I have to constantly take deep breathes not to jump and do or say something inappropriate. It kills me. I dream about him every night. I think about him every day. I take extra long to get ready so I look amazing if he should come into the office. I hate what I have become.

5/05/2011 5:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gosh, where to start!? I have my own guilt ladden story to share here since I can't tell anyone else. I too am having a fling?...or something?? With a married coworker. We often worked late together, alone in the office. I am recently divorced and we really connected during our late in the office chats that slowly turned more personal as we talked about our relationship difficulties in our own lives. He was very much the aggressor initially in our relationship because I didn't want to have anypart in destroying his family. He is from another country where divorce does not exist, therefore, extramarital affairs in his culture are actually quite common. Don't misunderstand me,I have NEVER asked him to leave his wife...its not that serious, we've never met outside of work. I have told him that I would never act upon our connection because he is married, however, I've ashamedly been a willing participant in his hugs, sweet talk, carresses, and even one sweet kiss. He's said that he couldn't even ask me "what if" (he weren't married) because the answer would probably kill him and stated we are a victim of bad timing. He's confided that if he and his wife were do things over again they would have never got married, but are now stuck due to cultural factors. Him and his wife are planning to return to their home country in a few years. I am no way expecting any long term committments here. I'm a pretty practical person. I just am surprised to have found my self in the position as the "other woman" when any other day I would have have told you that I would never do something like that. Its just so hard to deny our attraction for each other. Also, I know his wife would not be as approving of this despite their culture. Is it so wrong for us to just live life, enjoy each other during this chapter of our individual lives, while knowing that there is no long term possibilities? I know the right answer to that, but...sigh, I really enjoy being with him. Things aren't always so black and white. Its just that things are slowly getting more personal and intimate. I want to just enjoy this, in the moment, but I feel so guilty.

5/07/2011 8:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm married with a crush on my coworker who has a boyfriend.

We work very close day in and day out and we get along great. Sometimes there are days where we spend more time talking and making each other laugh than we do actually working.

This came and went so quickly. There was a lot of flirting in the beginning, especially from her end...even asking me to lunch a few times. Given the feelings that were swiftly developing I denied such invitations. I am simply incapable of betraying my family. Nevertheless, her advances alone made me happier than I had been in years.

But suddenly the intense flirting stopped. I suppose it was due to my making myself unavailable to her outside of work. We still talk and laugh all day but most of the verbal signals from her are now gone.

It hurts because I'm on the hook emotionally. I'm handcuffed by my real life and the life-long commitments I've made yet those commitments do not bar my emotions and I've never felt this way before. What's worse is there is no way of knowing (without letting my guard down) whether her advances were ever genuine or just a siren's call. She does possess many broken hearts.

5/08/2011 3:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow some of your stories are sp like mine I work part time for a hotel as a bartender and have been crushing on my co-worker who is also married, for a year now. At first I simply just talked to her on the weekends I worked but as of late we have developed into work friends. We ask eachother about the our kids and how are they doing, but nothing about our spouses maybe because I just dont need to know. As of late though I catch myself sort of just picking on her in some high school kid way for example tripping her sorta when she walks by, bumping into her for no reason, throwing paper balls at her whe she has her back to me. But something changed of late now she has started to do that same type of things to me if i'm walking by her she like lightly elbows my side, sort of like she just wants me to know shes there. We joke around with shooting rubber bands at eachother and stuff, whats so funny is we do this in front of our co-workers all the time but we dont involve them in any of it we just like to pick on eachother. They probably by know have started to suspect something but really we havent done any thing else. My problem is that I catch her looking at me sometimes and when I look back she gives me a little shy smirk and my heart just starts racing. I have a wife and 2 kids and love them to death but I literally work there now part time to just see her and that is so sad. I can feel that if I ever tried to make something happen even if it is just having lunch or whatever, she would do it. Weird thing about her is that it's not a sexual thing with her, I just want to be around her and spend time talking or just hang out, just being around her is good. I know if physicality between us ever happened my heart would be torn to shreds caring for her and loving my kids and wife. I have been married for 12 years now and have never thought of cheating on my wife, but I want to hang out with this woman so bad she makes my heart race and it makes me feel so alive (scares the crap out of me) Man this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so want to tell her how she makes me feel but at the same time, how would she react, or does she have some feelings for me also? Guess I will never know, unless she tells me first.

5/09/2011 12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

very well written. loved the last line. it just added so much more character to the story. not because of what was said, but rather, how it was said. short and simple. "fuck. i'm horny." the end. --- perfect! (btw-googled sleeping with married coworker)

6/04/2011 2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I googled same as everybody. we're both married, almost same age.

I've been crushing on her since January...I flirt with her all the time, she loves it. she's very cute and sweet. I know she is so attracted to me... I am falling for her!!! I want to tell her how much I LIKE HER! but so so scared to do so!!! :(

6/27/2011 7:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have the same thing going on. We're both married but I find myself so attracted to him. I just "get" him in a way that makes sense to me. His arrogance and swagger never warrant an apology in my mind. He backs it up every day. He said that whoever I'm doing "is a lucky man" but I wish he knew that he could be so lucky, but I'm no homewrecker and unfortunately that's where it ends.

8/09/2011 8:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow...never thought of commenting on such article but yeah once you exprience such thing ,its obivous..well, me too sailing in same ship but its worth the journey.

8/13/2011 8:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. This is nuts. Me too!!!

Totally have a HUGE crush on my married male co-worker. Even worse? I am married too. Don't know what his home situation is like, but mine is happy. Lots of talk, and even more sex! After 10yrs, no kids. I have no reason to complain.

That's why this came out of nowhere for me. One day sitting in at desk he comes by my office, leans in and reads my badge. Then says "Mariah. That's your name. Mariah. (not my real name) I just wanted to know your name." Initially I was like, what?? But when I looked up, I saw it was this good-looking guy I've seen checking me out quite a bit. He has the most AMAZING eyes!! So I said "Oh, Hi. And your name is...?" He gave me his name, I shook his hand, and told him "Nice to meet you..." I thought it odd, as we work at a huge company, and his dept is completely unrelated to mine. But, I was flattered, I found it cute, plus, I love a man with confidence. Mmmm.

From then on, he would walk by my office, and smile really big, and wave. I would smile, and wave back. He always initiated the contact. He would say "Good Morning...Mariah!" each time he saw me. Like he got a kick out of saying my name. It was soooo cute!!! We only talked a small number of times, never personal,but were friendly. I noticed he didn't wear a ring, so at first I thought he was single.

One day I overheard him talking (sort of loudly), to a coworker of mine, like he wanted me to hear that he was married. So, I backed waaaay off. No trying to think of anything cute to say, or do. No BIG smiles, or intense stares. I just said "Hello" like I would to anyone else. Then? It's like, we were fighting. He started to ignore me, he would literally duck into a hallway, or different door if he saw me. Make a point to be around, and not speak. I was like, wow. That's rude. So I started to do the same. Only speaking if we had to walk right past each other. Turn my head sometimes, hoping he didn't see me. It was so chlidish!!!

Finally said, "Fuck it, I am going to be me"(and I am a nice person). So I would speak again, but no real conversations. Suddenly he started trying to talk a little more, always small talk, but less rushed. Like he was happy I was speaking to him again, a little less nervous one on one. And now, when I have the opportunity I touch his arm, or shake his hand. Whatever physical contact I can give without seeming unprofessional (above the waste, I don't linger). It's just painful though.

He watches me walk across the room, so intensely. I can feel his eyes on me, my body. But I can't look back. And if I do? Only for a sec, then I look away. I only look directly at him when he hasn't seen me yet. Because, when our eyes meet? It's like my heart stops. I'm literally frozen. I feel like a freaking 4th grader! It's so adorable when we are walking towards each other in a hallway, I can see him telling himself "play it cool man." So damn cute!

He is older (love that!), I am 30, he is in his early 40's. Every time I see him?? My kitty starts to throb, and purr with anticipation! I imagine my mouth nibbling on his ear (he has great ears), while his ring-less hand is deep in my pants. My lips quiver, and mouth just waters (among other things getting drenched) when I think of going down on him (and I have great lips)... Anytime I wear a skirt, when I see him,I just want him to bend me over a desk, and thrust himself inside of me, and....

I have never felt this kind of raw animalistic attraction to anyone!! I would literally screw this mans crazy. He'd have to be admitted, no joking.

It's like FUCK!!!!!!!!! Really??? Really??? I feel like a teenage girl again, daydreaming about what "first time" will be like. I want him to take my virginity!! It's insane. I'm sick. I know it.

8/24/2011 9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am in the same boat. I am happily married but have a huge crush on a guy at work who is married. I have been working with him for a couple of years but never felt anything for him. During the past month we have been spending more time together and I have become totally infatuated with him. Unfortunately we don't work in the same office, but sometimes I go to his location for meetings or he comes to mine. Now I am looking for any excuse to go to his office. I invite him to meetings that are of no relevance to him just so I can see him and we can talk. I can tell he likes me too by the way he looks at me and teases me but we keep it very professional I can't stop thinking about him. I can't sleep or eat. I haven't felt this way about anyone since my husband. He is like a drug to me. On the days that I see him or talk to him I am so happy. I feel down on the days I don't talk to him. I don't know what to do.

9/03/2011 10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really love going into work each day but things are becoming awkward. My coworker is gorgeous, sexy and very married. I know how he feels and I'm truly flattered, attracted etc...but its wrong... im very into him & can't stop thinking about him but keeping control of myself...barely! Lately I keep going on these dates and find myself comparing them to him & quickly loosing interest without giving them a chance...so how can I become "not into him" so I can think straight?& why the heck does life have to be so complicated and morally correct???

9/13/2011 9:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anticipation...What if it was a big let down and not even any good?

9/13/2011 9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh trust me, it would be Amazing. Because I am. Combined with the fact that I want it so badly, and for so long? I'd do all the work...Hell, I'd be proud to. ;-^

9/19/2011 10:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just did it too. we met up at a conference last weekend and had incredible mind blowing sex and spent hours talking about our feelings. it sounds so trite but it was amazing. then we both went home and started thinking more clearly about the consequences of what we had done. i think for the few days we spent together, we both managed to ignore the constraints of the real world and pretend there was a possibility for us. this morning we had the inevitable conversation about how special it was and how it has to stop. i am sad about the loss of the dream but strangely unrepentant about our weekend together. i miss something i never had.

9/27/2011 3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

More stories please! :)

9/29/2011 10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I googled this too heheh!

Yeah I am finding myself in the same situation, glad to know its not just me. He is a guy i used to work with a few years ago and we got on really well but i never really felt anything romantically for him, as far as i knew he was happily married with 2 kids and totally not my type. I had a very long term boyfriend that i wasnt happy with and ended up leaving him after 10 years 2 years ago, was pretty awful at the time. This guy at work knew some of this drama i was going through at the time cos i told him a bit about it, never thought anything of it.

then he got a new job in another part of the company and another office but we still bumped into each other now and then. i met a new boyfriend who i really loved and he treated me really badly this summer and ended it, i was devastated. Then i ran into this guy at work again and went for coffee and were talking for ages and then emailed each other a couple of times, then coffee, then he asked me out for lunch and we were just chatting for a couple of hours. Then got the odd text and emails at work and ended going out for lunch quite a few times and i found myself thinking about him quite a lot, way more than i should.

He is not my type at all but he dresses nice and we like the same music and stuff and i just love being in his company and have a huge crush on him and think about him all the time, its so strange as i never thought about him like that when we worked together. it doesnt help that his wife now also works in the same company for our old boss...what a nightmare! There are quite a lot of rumours and gossip and goings on in our company about other people and everyone knows each other, i know its a bad situation to be in, if this carries on someone will see us and get suspicious and it will get back to loads of people.

But then i ran into him in another office by chance the monday after we'd been out for a long friday lunch and he wasnt wearing his wedding ring... never said anything. Then went out for lunch again and texted and then i met him for a drink after work and chatted, i got quickly drunk but he had to go and i didnt want him to go and he didnt want to go and then he drove me home and god, took my hand just there in the car and kissed me and it was crazy, the rain hammering on the roof of the car and my heart the same and now i have no idea what to do! And we kissed again and it was a fucking great kiss and he says he thinks about me all the time and is attracted to me and feels a connection there even though i am not his type either! He says his marriage was in trouble anyway, which i suspected but im not asking him to leave her i just have a crazy attraction and connection to him! He doesnt want to hurt me as i have been so hurt in the past and even though he and his wife arent happy he cant do anything because of his kids so if i want to walk away now hell understand.

This is the tipping point i guess. i have no idea how ive got here, I always said i would never get involved with someone at work or who is married or be the other woman and now thats what i'm seriously considering. im 30 years old and have no clue what to do. I suppose i just think life is short, fuck it but agghh, even though i know this is a bad situation to be in and ill get hurt i cant stop thinking about him!!! sorry this was long, just needed to get all that out, good luck everyone else out there like this!!

10/01/2011 5:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So there's this guy at work who I have been having a fling with. It's so much fun, we are very naughty at work and find ourselves sneaking off to private places to fool around with eachother. The thing is he is married with a kid and a newborn. He is also 19 years older than me. We both no it is wrong but can't seen to break away from eachother. Prior to the arrival of his son I tried to end it but when I did I think we both realized how much we have started to fall for eachother. We also started passionately kissing which is something we never done before. After him being away from eachother for a bit (him going off to have a baby and me working from different offices) I thought it might help the situation and he may realize that his family is much more important. But after the reunion we had its obvious that we are both in the same mindset and absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

This has got to be by far the worst situation I have ever been in. I DON'T expect to run off in to the sunset with him but I just really enjoy the time we share and can't get him out of my head when he is not there. He has also made it clear that he feels the same.

I can't wait for karma to find me .......

10/16/2011 11:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is just nuts, I can't stop thinking about her, what is wrong with me. We spend hours each morning talking then we text each other all day. She thinks the world of me and is alway saying something to put a smile on my face.

After lunch oneday, I came very close to telling her how I felt but before I could she told me a story. She had a former co-worker tell her how he had fallin in love with her. She calls this co-worker a pervert. I don't want to be pervert No.: 2. But the truth is I am becoming pervert No.2. she has been out of the office for a few days hanging out with family. I have been following her post on FB and blowing up the pictures and just looking at her. Most of the weekend I have been playing Chicago blues music because I miss her. I will tell her about this oneday when I think we will never see each other again but till then I will keep my shut. I don't won't to lose what I have because I really enjoy my " Sunshine."


Thanks for having this blog.

10/17/2011 10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Married but unhappy.cant stop thinking about my coworker..when i see him my heart pounds hes beautiful. I cant stop thinking about him. Seeing him and emailing him makes me feel alive again. He is married. I know its wrong but i cant wait to see him. I fantasize
about kissing him and making out with him. He emails me and we bring each other treats but i dont know if hes just being nice or he may like me too?

10/19/2011 2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Married but unhappy.cant stop thinking about my coworker..when i see him my heart pounds hes beautiful. I cant stop thinking about him. Seeing him and emailing him makes me feel alive again. He is married. I know its wrong but i cant wait to see him. I fantasize
about kissing him and making out with him. He emails me and we bring each other treats but i dont know if hes just being nice or he may like me too?

10/19/2011 2:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have been married to a beautiful, extraordinary woman for 12 years. I love her very much. About a year ago, I met a girl at work and have developed a serious crush on her. She is married, but has expressed to me that she is very unhappy in her marriage. Although I am happy in my marriage, every time I see this girl, she takes my breath away. I generally don't like to play games, so I just want to tell her that she is beautiful to me in every way--just to get it off of my chest. Today, in fact, she asked me if I liked her outfit. I wanted to tell her that I have never seen her in an outfit that did not look good on her. Should I tell her how I feel or not? Please help.

10/27/2011 2:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW ..I FEEL AT HOME HERE .
Ok so I have a crush on him. Me and this guy is totally attracted to each other . When i see him I get all hot and nervous. The fact that he is a married man make me cautious. I'm a single mother of two but I could never break up a happy home. At the office he always checking me out . When we lock eyes its like I feel so drawn to him. One day we decide to go for lunch and that's when he made me feel it was ok to make my move lol. He asked if he can have my number for a work related project . I said it was ok , one night about 11pm . Guess who tex me ...Yes he did. I was so excited and that's when it all began..still flirtingt 4 months now . The more we talk the more I'm falling for him but its ok its ok to be fond of some one right?......

10/27/2011 10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, me too. I'm single, and when my coworker decided to divorce his wife, he started flirting hard, and being more friendly in general. He works for another company, but in the same building, and we see each other every day. Our kids play together, and I've tried to be friends with his wife. But, yes, I'm falling for him. I guess I'm just waiting for the divorce to be finalized. But I know I might get burned by this. the chances of a lasting thing are slim to none. Nuts.

10/30/2011 12:23 AM  
Anonymous G said...

Omg you people are all sick!!! Sick I say, SICK! Lol no, but really, I've been experiencing the same problem. I like this girl at my job, but she isn't married, though she seems to be in love with her boyfriend.

She's smoking hot. I convinced myself that she was ugly when she first started working there because I didn't want to fraternize on the job and wanted to be professional. She also seemed stuck up so I thought I had nothing to worry about.

Then I had to train her, while I was training her she opened up and had similar interests to mine. She also turned out to be a genuinely sweet person. Next she started dressing a tad bit more sexy to work and before I knew it I had a crush on her.

We joked around a lot and she would stick her tongue out at me teasingly. She had a really nice tongue, I imagined how it would feel wrapped around my... I digress. I flirted back of course, until her boyfriend came in to bring her lunch.

I was unaware she had one until that point, she didn't talk about him at all. After that I toned it down and tried to be more professional. She stopped sticking her tongue out at me and followede suit. The end.

...Or so I thought. My car got repoed and I was in need of transportation (pathetic I know). She would give me rides whenever we worked together, though she couldn't always because she shared the car with her boyfriend. During these rides we would have stimulating conversations that continued at work and we made heavy eye contact, though neither of is would dare take it further than that.

I was unsure if she was feeling the way I was, but her boyfriend's actions may have hinted to that being the case. He began insisting on coming along and would take the car and pick her up on a motorcycle so I would have to find another ride.

I like her, but I'm really not sure of what to do. I've had a previous work crush who I flirted with heavily and tried to stop it but it was too late. She'd follow me around during work, we'd hang out after work, she even kissed me while I felt up her ass in front of our workplace.

She eventually got in trouble at the job when it became obvious that she was flirting with me, I was a little more subtle than she was. And the messed up thing is that she was fired and the girl I now have a crush on replaced her...

10/31/2011 12:30 AM  
Anonymous paralegalwoes said...

So its midnight and instead of catching some zzzs in preparation for my stressful workday, I'm googling crush on my married coworker. Cuz that's what I have! It consumes me! In a sense he's my superior at work but he makes me feel like his equal. He's married with a beautiful infant son and I'm single with kids of my own. My mom says I've already sinned by "coveting" what's not mine or basically fucking him in my head but I gotta give myself props. I've done nothing to pursue him, my flirtation is subtle at best but my God if he knew how much I fantasize about him he'd probably be creeped. Literally, he's the first thing I think about in the a.m. and the last thing at night in hopes of meeting up with him in my dreams where all kinds of dirtiness happens. I'm not used to not having what I want. Any man I've ever wanted, I've pursued and gotten. This married shit is a whole new territory. For the sake of my soul I have to ignore the way he makes me laugh, smile, the way he stares at me as if were the most beautiful creature on the planet. I dont even think about sex with him, in real life, I just want him to hold me and maybe kiss me passionately. If he ever grabbed my butt I think I'd get turned off, lol. We have a Christmas party coming up that all my coworkers have used to get all of the years sexual frustration out of their system. I don't want to be one of those stories....I don't know what to do anymore. Im hoping it will eventually run out of my system, but I have a feeling I may need to find a new job. I also have a feeling the fantasy might be better than the reality. This sucks ass.

11/03/2011 12:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is so frustrating! I never even really looked at this guy before in a crush-like way and then a few days back I suddenly had this intense sex dream about him and now I can't stop thinking about him. I keep wondering what would happen if we just had some time together... or I find myself looking at him or resisting the urge to learn more about him through friends and coworkers.

What is wrong with me? I have a boyfriend of 6 years waiting at home, who is amazing and I am so in love with. How can a dream be so convincing that it completely changes my perception of a man I have never thought attractive?

I hope I find out that he's gay or seeing someone or something extremely off-putting so that I can stop this madness. I don't think this is something permanent, but I've had a hell of a week trying to force myself stop thinking about him constantly.

Oh if this man would just be gay I think my sanity and my relationship would be saved..... at this point in time I don't think I can trust myself to be alone with him.

The stupid thing is, I don't think he notices me at all. I'm pretty sure that this obsessive crap is all me. I find myself halfheartedly feeling out whether I could seduce him or not. Really need to not. ARRG the tension is killing me. This emotional roller coaster needs to end. Like now.

11/04/2011 8:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In response to the last story: i have had exactly the same experience. Pretty great relationship with the bf, suddenly a dream changes my simple coworker visiting us from another branch (in another country!!) into an amazing crush. Fast forward 5 months, nothing really changes. I still have the same crush, I can't bring myself to make any moves on him. The guy does not come by so often, is married has 4 children(4!!) and is hot hot hot. Since I need to be in touch with him for work (skyping/emailing), I die every night letting my imagination go wild. Tried avoiding contact, stopping to think about him, nothing really works.
This whole thing is only going on in my mind. I know he does not feel anything for me, although he is always very respectful and open. I tried to make my communication with him more informal, but don't think it is working.
I feel I have my hands tied behind my back and am soo afraid that if the guy visits again,I would do smth really inconvenient. I suppose the best thing to happen would just be to kiss at a party and that's it, but that does not happen !!
what to do, what to do ???

11/07/2011 6:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I got here by googling "kissed married co-worker" and I seem to have found a lot of people suffering from the same crush/obsession/infatuation for a married co-worker that I have.

My story isn't really juicy at all though. (Actually, I'm jealous of some of the ones I've read here!) I'm VERY single, he's married, and we work in the same general area, but not closely together. I see him maybe once or twice a week in meetings or I'll just pass him in the halls if I'm lucky. He'll say "Hi, how are you?" and I once made small talk with him while we were waiting for a meeting to start, but I've never actually flirted with him and he's never flirted with me.

He's a gorgeous guy and I'm guessing he knows I'm attracted to him just because I feel like it's obvious (although I might just be paranoid) and I have said that I thought he was attractive in conversation with a few other women, so that's why I just think it's possible that he might know somehow.

I feel guilty whenever I see him because I know I have these lustful thoughts about him, so I really try not to say anything more than "hi" to him. Also I'm pretty shy, so I don't think I'd ever actually make a "move" on him or anything. Not that it matters because I really don't think he'd be interested in me. I'm not unattractive, but I just feel like he's the type of guy who could get any woman he wanted, so why even risk getting involved with someone at work when he could just go out to the gym or the gas station or wherever he goes and easily pick up a chick if he wanted to do that.

However, if he did ever make any kind of advance towards me, there's NO WAY I could refuse him. I'm just being honest here. I don't aspire to be a mistress or a homewrecker, but I can't deny how attracted I am to him and it's very rare that I feel that way about someone. So yeah, I keep telling myself that I have no chance. I'm sure his wife is beautiful and he loves her... But then I tell myself, even if she is beautiful he knows her very well, so the mystery and excitement have probably started to fade away and it's not impossible that he might look elsewhere... I don't have to be the most beautiful girl in the world to get his attention, right? Sometimes when our eyes meet, I think that maybe he is a bit attracted to me or curious about me, but maybe I'm just projecting... Yeah, I probably am.

Anyway, I realize hooking up with him wouldn't be a good thing and it wouldn't be some fairytale where he falls in love with me and leaves her. I just think he's gorgeous and I'm sure I'll stop lusting after him after I find someone of my own.

But I do really want to kiss him...

11/07/2011 7:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Reading this blog off and on for months. Realizing many people feel the same as I. My situation? Both married, nothing has happened, but he's the first guy to even make me consider it. He is older, which totally turns me on. I consider myself skilled, so loving his years on top of mine. He is just super sexy to me. I love the way he walks, talks, gorgeous smile, and eyes to die for. I start to quiver with anxiety when he's around. I have to tell myself to calm down, it's like I'm a puppy with a wagging tail. Hahaha! Throw on some music, and...it's totally ridiculous, and embarrassing.

I've always been a sexually empowered woman, in that I can sleep with, and forget about you. I don't want a relationship at all. I just want to fuck him until he begs me to stop. I want to hear him scream my name. I want him to ask me how bad I want his cock. I want him to get hard when he hears my name, like I get wet when I think of him. I want him in my hands, my mouth, and my body. I want to cum just from him touching me. I want him to feel me cummin all over his cock, hands, tongue, lips and legs. Then I want him to do it back to me. I want him to do ALl the things to me he has ever imangined. I want to be his fantasy, because? He is mine. I need a drink, and a cigar...

11/07/2011 10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am 64 and married for the second time. I have been in love with a coworker twice in my life, once during my first marriage and once during the second. The last time she and I decided we had to keep telling ourselves nothing was going to come of it until the feelings settled down to a low level desire. Eventually after a long time they did. She got married and I stayed married. Eight years later I still want to kiss her and I can she in her eyes that she wants the same thing. It is just not going to happen because on my side I love my wife and I won't hurt or betray her.

This will happen to most people who stay married for more than a few years. Live long enough and it will happen more than once. Everyone has to decide what they are going to do when it does. It was painful but I got over it. We don't always get what we want, no matter who much we desire it.

11/08/2011 8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck off! some girl is pestering my husband and i hate her! we have kids so fuck off! i hate all of you!

11/09/2011 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

feeling things like this and reading all the experiences of strangers really makes me question this promise of eternal love. living is already so difficult, let alone finding someone to spend your life with in happiness. How can I believe that it is possible to have a soulmate when you think you have discovered him and then meet someone else who intrigues you and quite possibly could be just as much a match for you as the first person? I feel more incomplete now than when I was alone. How can it not be enough that I have the love of a wonderful man, but still feel so agonizingly tempted by another. Yes, it is sickening and there is no right in it. I try to live my life with very few to no regrets, but I am starting to see that it is impossible. In this situation it looks like no matter which way I turn regret is inevitable. I hope every one here will find the right path and rather than cause hurt to others, find peace within themselves. That is really the only hope I have for myself after all.

11/11/2011 7:55 PM  
Anonymous g said...

It amazing how many people are suffering from the same thing. I'm a married man (with a child) and have a huge crush on my co-worker. She has a boyfriend of many years but is breaking up with him. We've each told one another the horrors of our relationships. To be blunt we are both in need of more sex. I cannot stop thinking of her and how much I want to sleep with her. It has ruled my thoughts for a few weeks now. I so badly want to tell her but I don't want to ruin our friendship. Not only is she gorgeous, she's also the sweetest women I know. Whenever I think of her I smile. Its the way I felt when I first met my wife. Unfortunately I have fallen out of love with my wife. I guess I'll live with this crush and not say a word. If it is meant to be our lives will come together. If not now, someday.

11/14/2011 10:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow.. There're a lot of people facing the same issue!!
Me too.. He's married, father of 2 kiddos, my senior. I'm attracted to him from the 1st day of work. But he's the one who started all the thing. He kept on texting, chatting (even when we are working).

At first, I dont even want to go out with him (he has been asking for hundred times). But then, hey, how can I resist? We went out and the kissing part happened.

After that, everytime he send me home from works, we will kiss like mad. And did some irrational thing at the staircase at my apartment (I hope no one sees it).

I know this is not right. But, if he keeps on chasing, and his affection is still that strong on me, I don't really know what will happen next.

11/16/2011 12:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm married. A single, younger, extremely attractive, woman at work starts pursuing me. A single guy at work starts pursuing her. He pursues her doggedly. To the point of stalking. At first she ignores him, then develops a friendship with him but nothing romantic. She continues to pursue me. After 11 months of texting me and asking me out repeatedly I let my guard down. We go out. We get close emotionally. Nothing physical ever happens. Almost immediately after I get close to her she starts fucking the other guy. Suddenly the tables are turned and I'm the one pursuing her. She doesn't text me anymore, if I text her it's usually met by a short reply from her. Oh but she does still ask me out almost weekly. I agree and then she cancels. That's happened at least a dozen times. Try swallowing that. Story of my life. Some sort of karmic retribution or cruel joke by god or something. Maybe it was a big game to her or maybe once we started getting close she got scared. Not sure. But I am convinced this woman is the devil incarnate.

To boot, after this emotional turmoil I've been driven through, I don't think my marriage can survive. Not happy with my wife anymore.

Nevertheless, I have no feelings of guilt or that it was a mistake to get close to her. Love is uncontrollable. It's not something made tangible by a piece of paper with a signature on it or some words said in a church. Anyone who says you're a bad person because you were married or because you fell in love with someone who is married is a hypocrite. He/she can't control it anymore than you can. It just simply has never happened to him/her.

I could write a book.

11/17/2011 3:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where do I start, Obviously I have a HUGE crush on my married co-worker he has 2 adult children, I myself have been in a relationship for almost 17 years with 2 children one is 14 and one is 8. He is 18 years older than me and I never found anyone that much older than me even attractive let alone to the point that I can't think straight. In casual conversation we have discovered that we have so much in common. I started working there a few months ago he has worked there for a LONG time and a friend I work with has worked with him a LONG time. After weeks of him in my head I confessed to her that I had a crush on someone and she said she knew it and she said he has been acting diffrent too, and was pretty sure he had a crush on me too he has said some things that she said she could not imigine him ever saying as he has always been very professional. I am going nuts I have found married men attractive but not weven a thought about a relationship with them I always thought it was horrible to persue a married man yet I can't stop thinking about him, I find myself hoping he is thinking about me...I can't control it I don't know how much longer that I can go without saying something to him...I feel so horrible...yet excited and anxious...

11/18/2011 4:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I found this too, searching for some information on my own situation. I am married for 25 years and work very closely with a man who is also married, and has been for about 35 years. We both have grown children and we are in academia so we have a great deal of freedom in our work. He is a very attractive man, and I know that I turn many heads..I have a good figure, and I am very pretty and sexy, but not overt....people have told me I look like a young Ava Gardner, and I would agree with that. So, we are both pretty attractive people ( I am in my mid 40s, he in his mid 50s).
This has been brewing for about 6 months. There has been some **innocent** touching ( knees /shoulders toucing and neither moving). I really have a major crush on him, and I sense he has one on me as well. We are actually going to be traveling out of state together for a few meetings and I have been thinking about what might happen. We are with each other for a great deal of time at work, by choice. I can't remember ever being more attracted to a man and my best friend saw me with him, saw us interacting and told me it is SO obvious that I like him, and while she doesn't know him, she believed that he is pretty into me. Well, last night my girlfriend and I went out to dinner, and he showed up at the restaurant. THe minute I saw him I knew that things would probably move to another level. We were having great conversation, our knees just touching under the table, and our hands touching from time to tome. TO make a long story short, he kissed me...passionatly and more than once ( out of sight...we had both gone to the bathroom, not together, but met in the hall there). We then kissed more...and he said he know this was going to happen. I kind of feel very excited. My marriage is solid, I would never divorce, and I believe he is in the same boat. HOWEVER, I have needs that my husband can't or won't meet ( we have talked about it a lot, he is a good man, but he has emotional limits, and I am a very emotional person). My married co-worker is like me in his level of intamacy/discussion, and he has a very high emotional IQ. As academics ( our spouses are not ) we over analyze, over talk, and generally over think everything and we spend hours talking about an obscure point of research. I have this feeling since we are both very smart and very stable and essentially happy in our **regular lives** an affair would be wonderful...we could share each other, experience this wonderful relationship, and keep it at that...no changing our lives and ruining our families...I have this sense that you only live once and why not? I will become intimate with him, that I know....and my hope is that we have a long and wonderful relationship, we get that missing element from each other and truly enjoy each other. Of course, I know there could be problems, but I think we have both been around the block enough to know how to put things in perspective and keep them there. It feel very good to share this here.

11/18/2011 9:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So comforting to see so many people struggling with the same issue and being nonjudgmental about it.

I'm right there with the woman saying "Why is this happening to me? I don't want to break up anybody's home!!!" I've been single for a long, long, time...done a LOT of hard therapeutic work on myself to be ready for the right guy...have recently said a lot of "no"s to the kinds of guys I used to fall for, who found all kinds of ways to make the brainy girl feel small and stupid.

Three months ago a man walked into the office, and it was like being hit by a bolt of lightning. What I didn't know then (along with his marital status) was that we'd have immediate rapport and incredible chemistry...nor did I know that he would prove to be incredibly respectful of my opinions, choices, thoughts, and emotions in a way I'm unused to (with men). He has no need to upstage me; he praises my achievements and my brains and is genuinely curious about what I think and feel.

He has only been married a few years and he and his wife have no kids (and don't want any). I feel like I've met the right man at the wrong time. Where was I five years ago? Why is this happening now?

11/19/2011 2:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I realize the original post is from several years ago, but since other people are still commenting, I'd like to add my thoughts also.

As I was reading through all the posts, I was struck by the odd familiarity of the feelings being described here. I don't have too many friends who can relate to this experience or the feelings I'm dealing with, so it helps to know that I'm not alone in this.

My story isn't terribly different... He's a coworker, I'm single, he's engaged and about 12 years younger than I am and the VERY LAST person I EVER expected to be interested in.

I basically quit dating after my last real relationship broke up 7 years ago. I have made a few somewhat reluctant, but hopeful attempts at it since, all of which ended spectacularly in flames. So, about 4 years ago, I was done. D-O-N-E. Or so I thought.

So, about a year and a half ago, I started a new job after a year of being unemployed and I was just so thrilled to be working, that being attracted to someone on the job was the very last thing I was looking for. Or being attracted to anyone period. It just wasn't happening. Ever. Especially not with someone like this.

When I met "Jake" I was new and the heaviest weight I have ever been and he was young, in perfect physical shape and seemingly arrogant. Would barely make eye contact, let alone speak to me. And I just chalked it up to another young guy being a superficial jerk and felt even more justified about not being a fan of men.

Fast forward about a year ago and our department basically disbanded and he and I and a few others were transferred to another department within the company. And along with a change of scenery came an attitude shift - suddenly he's this nice, friendly, funny guy. Like WTF happened there. So, my coworker and I (also female) gave him a really hard time about how much of a dbag we thought he was and how rude and so on. Became a theme.

And slowly, but surely, we talked here and there and turns out, he was actually kind of likable and even funny. And surprisingly, we had a lot in common. Total 180 from my initial impression.

And then one day it hit me - I'm interested in this guy. And I was annoyed. EXTREMELY annoyed. How could I have let this happen - especially with a coworker who is WAY too young for me and so not my type. It was just about as wrong as can be. But yet there we were.

So, a lot of flirting and sexual innuendo over gchat the last few months and now, as luck would have it, we share an office - have for about the last month. I'm just now starting to feel comfortable with the constant close proximity. And I'm also getting to a place where I'm accepting that it can't be anything more than flirting friends. And it's almost a relief really. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle - I do. I still have moments where I'm DYING to throw him across the desk and destroy him, but it's getting easier to manage.

And not to sound trite, but I'm trying to focus on the positives here, that it's made me start feeling alive again and like maybe at some point, I will get back out there again. And in the meantime, I will just enjoy the lightheartedness, as I know neither of us is going to make a move for obvious reasons. If he just wasn't so fantastic (sigh).

Anyways, thanks for sharing your stories - it helps to know others actually can relate.

11/20/2011 1:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im a married guy in the same boat and have to find the power to stop myself from wanting to be with a married woman. I keep hoping she will talk sense into me, but enables the situation. Any suggestions?

11/24/2011 3:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So..I was the one who posted a few days ago...two married academics... he kissed me at a restaurant....I spent that whole weekend thinking about him and the implications of it all, and was so nervous about seeing him on Monday when I returned to work that things would be really bad and uncomfortable. I can't remember wanting a man so much, but I also understand the issues surrounding what we were considering.

I got to work...he and I had an appointment to meet at 1PM....and we did meet....at first, neither acted as if anything had happened, then he said " we really can't talk here because the walls are thin and the people next door can hear everything"...I said let's take a walk, so we did. He explained that he hasn't done anything like this and didn't know how ( logistics), and I said I hadn't didn't either, and we talked and relized that we both REALLY wanted this( he told me he had thought about it from the moment we met) ...so we went to a place close by, and that was that...it was very , very pleasurable, and so now we are in a full-fledged affair. As I suspected, neither of us have perfect marriages (those who do don't seek thinkgs elsewhere) but we are not desperate and not in any mood to wreck our lives that we have worked very hard to establish. We love our grown children very much and couldn't imagine the changed relationship that a divorce would cause us to have with them. We understand the reality of the situation and accept it. We are happy sharing each other, enjoying our time together, and having this wonderful collaboration...we spend a great deal of time together ( co-researchers) and really like each other very much, intellectually and sexually. So, so far, so good..I'll update this as time goes by. It feels good to get it out because there is no person in my life I can really share this with, except him.

11/25/2011 8:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG!! I'm not alone!!! In fact, I feel almost normal! Only almost...

This time, I am the bad one. I am the married man who has a crush on the young sexy female assistant. And, better than that, I am her line manager, great.

I got married last year and I have been with my wife for 8 years before that. She is the one who made me who I am. I love her and she loves me. And, seriously, I have never looked at another woman since I met her. Until...

New sexy assistant started a few months ago. 8 years younger than me. She has a boyfriend, lives with him but never speaks about him. She is pretty, has beautiful eyes, figure, smile, but, seriously, I did not think too much about her at the (very!!) beginning.

All started slowly. Small talks, small flirts. We went to the pub a few times, we laughed a lot. When I told her that I didn't have a lot of people around me here (I left my country for my wife, I forgot to tell you that...), she told me I have her now. Unfortunately slowly the feelings became stronger. Why? Don't know... I love the way she giggles each time I say something, I love the way she plays it cool all the time, she moves, she smiles. And unfortunately she is clever!

After a few weeks, the deep long looks in the office started. She let me touch her shoulders, her elbows, her hands. She never really touched me back but never tried to move away from me or even tensed up. I tried to make her understand I liked her. I started thinking she liked me too. Or did she? Did she do that because she likes me or only because I am her boss? That's when all the questions started.Since then, I have felt like I am an old pervert and I imagine things that do not exist. But then why would she accept to take my arm in the middle of the streets when walking alone after a night out with colleagues? Why would she give me small presents? Surely she would not do that if she did not like me.

I feel SO lost and crazy. What if all this was just in my head? I cannot do it, I feel too guilty. But I cannot stop thinking about her, all the time...

And now, I am scared to ruin my job, ruin my marriage. And I am scared that she does not like me. Once more, I have not seen her for a few days. I start reasoning and know what I have to do. But I know exactly that as soon as I will be back at work, I will see her, she will smile when she sees me as she always does (and what a smile!). She will ask me if I had a good week-end. And I will feel like a 17-year old again and all the questions will come back...

Just come to me, kiss me and take your clothes off. We will deal with the rest after that...

It' s so good to be able to speak about it!!!

11/27/2011 3:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Going through the same thing, this is helping me: tell the person about your crush. It is not a voluntary or planned thing, but rather innate or instinctive. There is some risk in telling him/her, but it is likely that they do not feel the same way and will block your closeness. Seek as much distance as possible. Tell him/her to never return calls, email etc. Go through the hurt process and time WILL heal this. Keep busy to avoid thingking about the person.

11/28/2011 3:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To anonymous who posted on 11/27/2011 3:39PM. I think you are clearly in the wrong here. You need to talk to her:
1. she appears overly flirtacious to me (allowing touching, her comments etc) and obviously likes to draw unnecessary attention to herself - SHE'S BAD NEWS
2. you too are at fault. It is utterly inappropriate to flirt with inferiors and definitely wrong to touch in the workplace.

You both need to visit HR and face the consequences.

11/29/2011 2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am going through the exact same thing, and I have never been in this situation before. He is newly married and I am single. There is a mutual physical attraction and a very deep emotional connection. We can sense each other's presence before we actually look at each other. It's freaky at how much we are on the same wavelength. He seems unhappy with his marriage and I feel so horribly guilty for caring about him. I keep backing off, then becoming friendly with him again, then backing off again. It's a vicious cycle, and I hate playing with his mind like that. Now that the holidays are here, I just want to spend time with him so much. But I am being cold to him...and now he's gotten upset and started avoiding me. I don't want to be mean to him but I cannot let it escalate into an emotional affair. It is definitely heading in that direction. I am skipping the office Christmas party because I just can't face his wife. I don't know what to do.

11/29/2011 8:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm the academic having an affair with my colleague. We have been out a few times and talked and he is re-structuring his schedule so we can spend more time together ( I have more freedom in my life than he seems to have) . THe strange thing is that I think if you talk about it objectively, as we are doing, you run less of a risk of mis-understandings and problems later. For those of you who are married andthinking of involvement with a single person, I believe you could have big troubles...especially the married men with single women. SHe wil lfall in love with you and she will want more, and if you are not ready or willing to give up your marriage, there could be an ugly situation. When you are both married you all have as much to protect and lose....I was involved with a single man many years ago and didn't let it go further than talking and thinking about it, but he couldn't have accepted **just an affair** and would have wanted me to be with him. My husband also reached out to an old girlfriend who was single and she wanted WAY more than he dreamed of...of course there was trouble, but that's life.
My married lover and Iare in the same place and won't ruin our lives/families or careers. We are enjoying each other and keeping things in perspective and enjoying what we have.

12/03/2011 7:47 PM  
Anonymous g said...

This is my second post. I am a married man with a child whom i love more than life itself. Unfortunately i have fallen out of love with my wife and do not have the courage to leave her. Besides i cant imagine not seeing my child everyday. I've become really close to my single coworker. She has recently broken up with her boyfriend. We have talked about our relationships so she knows how miserable i am in mine. Resently she has told me she loves me but I'm pretty sure it was in a "friend" kinda way. She also told me I'm her angel and that she is so thankful for me. I dont know if i should tell her i feel like I'm 15 when I'm around her. I mean i have a huge crush on her. I cannot stop thinking of her. I truely value her friendship so I'm torn. Do i run the risk of ruining our friendship by telling her and in effect ending my marriage or do i keep my mouth shut? Help

12/04/2011 12:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For those of you who are desparately seeking a solution, do this:

1. express your feelings to your crush and understand that it is a primal human instinct rather than planned behavior.
2. state that you cannot permit this (due to being married etc) and need time to resolve it.
3. make an agreement of no communications/contact for a set period. If there is a slip-up, the other person should ignore it completely.
4. refocus your crush on the person you are married to - they will welcome it!
5. keep busy to avoid tireless thinking about your crush

12/05/2011 12:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am a professional woman, academia, like the woman who is posting and updating her relationship. Mine however, is not on a "level playing field" as my coworker is married 30 yrs and I am divorced for 20. I would so love to speak with this woman as I am involved with the same type of man as she. He is however, guilt-ridden over his Catholic religion. He stated this. As a result we agreed to never have intercourse but have done EVERYthing else! He was my boss for five years.
He is my soulmate. For two years every two weeks we connected physically. But during Christmas and Easter seasons he steels himself and withdraws. I know he loves me. I love him too I love him so much that two days ago I walked into his cubicle and told him I am feeling guilty about causing him guilt and pain. I told him I went to confession and would not tempt him any longer. He really opened up after that and said men are emotional as women and a man can love more than one woman. Believe me coming from this stoic individual I was floored by his openness ! He never speaks that way at work! Now I am sick that my magnanimous offer to join him in celibacy has ruined my ability to enjoy life again. I have no man in my life although I am very beautiful and intelligent I can't go on like this. Doing the right thing is wrong for both of is. He is a workaholic He spend precious little time with his wife. His kids are grown and gone as are mine. Why can't we just enjoy eachother without all this guilt over Catholicism???

12/10/2011 5:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am the woman in academia...call me Clare. So, your situation is simiular but different. There is a bitter sweet nature about the whole thing. While we have only moved to the physical stage recently, we have made it our business to get away one or two days per week and enjoy each other. Sometimes I worry that he now knows some very personal details about me, and that we work together, but you have to place trust somewhere. ANd like you, he is a VERY different person when we are alone, as am I. At my job I hold a position of power and always have to be **on** in terms of professionalism, etc. Buttoned up, so to speak, and to a similar extent, he does as well.
He isn't guilty, nor am I, and I think that stems from the fact that neither of us is going to leave our existing marriages. We aren't diverting resources from our homes and we are making no demands on each other. THe single /married thing that you are experiencing changes the dynamic and makes it more painful. While in my situation, he and I both know tha tthe other has a spouse, we understand what goes on in a marriage, and we respect that and are safe in the knowledge that this relationship is what it is. Your situation, I suspect, causes him mixed feelings...he obviously wants to be with you, but you are dangerous ( and guild evoking) because he COULD be with you...he could leave his wife and be with you. My situation is a bit different. Right now, we are not in love with each other...we like each other VERY much, but that's all. Also, he has been outside his marriage many times. He has never had a 'mistress', but his wife knows who she is married to and they seem to be ok with the way things are. THere is no threat that he will/would leave. Have you both discussed this and put it in the perspective it needs to be in? As academics we tend to over talk and over analyze, but that's good...if perhaps you re-frame this and try to get rid of the catholic guilt ( my ...whatever...not sure what to call him..and I are both catholic) which is not real...just imposed socio-cultural junk...and your guy should be able to get away from that. Keep me posted. It is good to have someone to talk to.

12/11/2011 11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well...I had a huge crush on a married co-worker ( I am a woman, professional, married, he is married, 10 years older...grown kids, etc.) and I flirted and he took the bait. We had a great time together, but I stopped it because I am after all a woman and I wanted a relationship, which isn't what should have been the case. I wanted to be with him, but knew it would never happen. We both had too much standing in the community, long term marriages, successful grown kids, and it just wasn't a possible outcome, but, I still felt like I fell in love with him. I also started acting with him like a girl/girlfriend when we were together, and it was hard to separate that at work. So, I just stopped sleeping with him. I decided one day...and that was that. We of course stil lwork together, and the work relationship is fine, but I just couldn't keep up the other part. Maybe it was because we worked together...but whatever, I felt like I was too exposed and I didn't want him to see me as a woman...he already had a few times and I didn't like the position that put me in at work. I want him, but won't have him.

12/11/2011 11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi, im in a sticky situation.
im in a committed relationship i have been with him over a year now.
i started school 4months ago, my teacher and i have been flirting since day one.
hes 48 and married.
the last few times of us drinking have been really intense flirting.
we both got waisted this weekend, i gave him a hand job, and kissed him.
he asked me what my intentions were, and i told him hes the hottest man in the world to me ,, and i really just want to fuck him........................ my problem is, i dont want to hurt my boyfriend or his wife,,,also i dont have sex with my boyfriend,, i think he needs Viagra,,, hes 44,,,,,,,,,by the way im 28

12/13/2011 11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I started at a new job a few weeks ago, and one of my supervisors is this really flirty dude who loves women,teases the other ladies in the office and is always on the lookout for hot female customers ...by the way he isn't cute,chews with his mouth open and is really annoying during office meetings .and looks awful in a blazer. Anyway, he flirts with me too.at first I thought he was just really horny..he makes smutty jokes about blow jobs, etc...plus he can be really mean to me sometimes ...but of late he keeps telling the others I'm his new girl, he told me he likes my lips, he wants to make love to me, he touches my tummy lightly every once in a while, yesterday I went to his desk to get a file and he said you should just kiss me now ...its so cute!! I hate him

12/18/2011 12:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He needs to be reported for sexual harrasment and you need to follow through. Men like this get away with what women let them get away with...kind of like bullys. Women in the workplace can't allow this kind of abuse to occur. If you do, it says as much about you as the abuser.

12/18/2011 6:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Update on post of 11/27/2011 3:39PM...

Time passes and things do not get easier...

Since the last post, many things have happened but nothing is clear. Since the evening of the "holding arm episode", I have tried to be more distant for a few weeks. She was then more distant as well. Unfortunately, I think my feelings for my colleague are far stronger that I thought. Two weeks ago I invited her for a drink after work. To my great surprise, she said yes. We spent two great hours and laughed a lot. The day after was our X-mas work party when I met her partner and she met mine. I did not speak to hers much, she did not speak to mine at all... At work, it became once again the same as before, flirty but not too much. Me more then her, but her not avoiding me. Last Thursday, I asked her if she wanted to meet me the day after for lunch. She was off that day and I finished at lunchtime. Once again, she said yes. We spent a really good moment, laughed a lot once again. I had the feeling she looked at me differently. At the end of the meal, she told me she has things to get into town. I told her that I had as well. We went shopping together. Then I asked if she wanted a drink. She says "yes" obviously... All afternoon, we speak about work, about our respective families, things we like doing. Only a few times, our partners names were mentioned(let me remind you: I left my country for my wife and only have her here. She lives with her boyfriend's parents..)and we never spoke about our relationships. On the Saturday, I texted "Just to say that I really enjoyed yesterday afternoon" (quite explicit). Reply " So did I. Definitively more fun than being on the computer all day! Enjoy the rest of your weekend." Cannot sleep all weekend after such a killer of an answer. I don't understand... Today back at work. We have a big gap at lunch time, I invited her for lunch. Once again she agreed. Lunch is more tense but nothing bad. I asked her if her boyfriend and family knew about Friday afternoon. She said that they did because her boyfriend's mum is always at home. I told her that I did not say anything to my wife. She asked why and I replied that I did not want her to be jealous (explicit once again!). She did not say anything to that and we continued chatting as normal and laughed as usual.

What's going on????? I do not understand anything. I'm so lost. I think she must have understood that I like her. (Or has she??) So why does she act like this if she does not like me. And if she does not like, why does she accept my invitations to pub/meals???????? I am not sure speaking to her is the right thing to do.

I think I am in love with her. I don't sleep, I don't eat anymore. I am always silent at home.

And always the guilt feeling....

12/19/2011 1:11 PM  
Anonymous g said...

Well after many blown opportunities I made a move on my beautiful coworker. I ran into her coincidently and thought this must be fate. She kissed me hello and we started talking and I helped her with some unloading her car. As i was leaving she went in for a cheek kiss and like an idiot i turned her head and tried to kiss her. She turned her other cheek and I said i want to kiss you. She then just hugged me amd said why did you do that? Of course i had no answer and just apologized and said i am embarrassed. She said not to be. She said i was loke her brother (ouch!) The question is do i regret it. The answer is no! I'm glad i tried. When your on your death bed they say you regret the things you didn't try more than the things you did. I just hope she was serious when she said not to worry and will continue being my friend. She's a sweet person and i want her in my life.

12/19/2011 10:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am the academic having an affair with my colleague. We are very fond of each other...working together ( alone) has become hard because we just want to be together, but we are working to keep it in perspective, and we have writing deadlines, so we actually HAVE to work. We go to a close hotel about 2x weekly...they now know us there. We just deal with it...no place to hide with this one. Our physical relations are VERY good...the first time was a learning curve ( we are after all older) but now we have melded into one and our bodies seem to know each other's as if we have been together forever. One thing that I didn't anticipate, or even think of, in all my careful planning, was the possibility that we would fall in love. I suppose, that when two people have such a strong meeting of the bodies and minds, it is possible...I guess if we are still **together** in two years or so we will know the answer to that question.

From getting to know him, I realize my life/world at home is different..richer...more full in all ways....he nas never really thought about anything other than what he has, so he has been happy.However, his life , after his kids have left, is lonely and somewhat empty. His wife is a good partner, but like mine, more a business partner than lover. I, however, am very happy with my **business**...

Now, he is beginning to think that he may have missed something relationship-wise.....but I am keeping him grounded....telling him to stay grounded...my question...can/do men fall in love? Do they lose their heads? Could this guy want to change his life after all these years?

12/19/2011 10:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We are both married...me for 25 years, him for 35. We have fallen in love with each other. And as adults...this is real love....what we have missed our whole lives. That is the problem. What do we do?

12/21/2011 4:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, no chance here. She's taller, smarter, more attractive. I didn't really notice her until I caught her eye during a work-related social. I made the mistake of looking deeply...too deeply. Oh well. I've been smitten for months. She knows it and, I think, avoids me. I'm glad. I love my wife, I love my life. All she has to do is ask and I'd happily become a fool. LOL! Every day I'm glad she doesn't. Every day I'm sad she doesn't. LOL!

12/22/2011 12:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Same thing here too! My coworker has a man and I'm married with children. First time we saw each other, we'd be trippin' - literally. I'd just look. Enjoy the view. Then I couldn't help myself from gazing into her eyes. Then her body language got stronger and stronger every week towards me. I tried to ignore her, but I couldn't. She is simply too amazing to ignore. She's super cute, super sexy, very nice, and I really think she likes me. Gave her chocolate for the holidays and she gave me such an awesome hug. Had me turning red and feeling tingles all over. If she ever decides to hit on me...I'm going for it. I can't ignore my heart any longer. Perfect timing cuz my marriage has been unfortunately going downhill for years now. Hit on me girl. I'm waiting.

12/25/2011 10:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I ignore her as much as possible without coming across as rude. I hate falling for smart girls as I'm sure she sees right through me. I have a major crush. I keep trying to find flaws that make her less attractive but I can't find any. She's smart, pretty, tall, interesting, slender, has perfect everything and is married. Why can't I stop thinking about her?

12/28/2011 1:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Because I am thinking the exact same about you!!! Think about you constantly. In fact, in "seventh heaven" when we say Hi, and I try to ignore you too, but I find that we collide unexpectedly !! Feel a magnetic attraction that I have never felt in my entire life! OMG- nervous, heart palpitations, and running away. Oh, and you come "Crash Into Me"..and there must be an "ANGEL" with a smile on her face, that thought up that I should be with you..!!! I will kick your ass in ping-pong or tennis, volleyball too!!! Bring it on!!

12/31/2011 12:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Im glad I'm not alone!!! Married eleven years. Love my wife to death. This female started to work with me approximately 3 months ago. I showed her the basics for our job duties. No feelings whatsoever toward her. She mentioned a boyfriend. We talk, couple of lunches together lately. Had the "what if you/I were single.." conversation. She said she found me attractive and yes she would have been interested. I flirt with her. She comes to me when she has a work related question. She comes so close that we slightly and harmlessly touch. She sometimes slightly puts her fingers on my back while asking her question. I openly admit that I'm flattered as her actions clearly point toward an attraction of sort toward me. I've had my night in which I fantasize about her/making dirty, passionate love to her. Plenty of cunilingous from me of course. She and I talk about work mostly. I notice her look into my eyes, to my mouth for an instant, then back to my eyes. I may be gullible at times but not stupid by any means. However, I wanted (and planned) on kissing her today at lunch but chickened out for the fear of losing this "thing" that's going on between us for the last few weeks. She's more straightforward than I but when I kid around about finding her sexy, etc. She just laughs it off and tells me I'm funny. I hate that I think about her more often than I should be.

12/31/2011 1:03 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm Clare... the married academic having an affair with a married colleague. So far, so good. We both like each other very, very much, and we have discussed that if things were different we would be together. However, neither of us want to hurt our spouses, who have been good and **there** for many years. His spouse does suspect, but so far she is accepting it. He has done this before, and she has accepted it. If my spouse were to find out my marriage would be over, and on some level, I'm OK with that. While my marriage is OK, it isn't great and if it was great, I wouldn't be having an affair. However, that doesn't mean I want to change my life drastically. When my lover and Iwere together last week we jokingly said that if we both get kicked out of our marriages we will be there for each other, but it wasn't really a joke.

He had a confused period for a bit but seems to be back in reality....we have complex personal lives and getting out of them would be very messy and I don't think either of us want to go through tat unless we are forced to ( in other words, we won't initiate anything) .

The interesting thing is that we make each other happier than we thought it possible to be at this point of our lives, and we enjoy each other in all ways. I wonder what it will be like in a year or two...I look forward to finding out.

Good luck to all of you lovelorn...I hope your dreams come true.

12/31/2011 2:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've posted before about feeling like I "get" my married coworker in a crazy magnetic way that I have never known before. I applaud those of you that have chosen to find out where these feeling lead and who have had the courage to live your lives without wondering what if. I, on the other hand, am going to let him go, never knowing how amazing it could have been, or how right.

1/02/2012 3:23 PM  
Anonymous S. said...

So, my situation is a little different, but I would really appreciate some advice. I started dating a guy my age at around the same time that I started a new job. A married coworker a few years older than me and I ended up developing a mutual crush. A month later, the coworker initiated a kiss. I had a serious crush on him, and I felt terribly guilty for kissing him when I had a boyfriend, so I broke up with my boyfriend immediately. (For some reason, I never felt guilty regarding my coworker's wife... just regarding my own relationship. I guess that makes me selfish, but I was confused, and I think I decided it was my coworker's decision). The coworker and I met fairly regularly for a few weeks, and kissed again multiple times, but never went farther than that. It actually seemed more like an emotional affair than anything, since there really wasn't much physical chemistry. After a few weeks, I realized that I needed a relationship, not an affair, and ended it with the coworker. We remained close friends for a while, but I ended up getting back together with my original boyfriend, and purposefully drifted apart from the coworker (and also switched companies, which helped). I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now, and no longer have feelings for my coworker, but I never told my boyfriend about the incident (or the reason for our initial breakup).

My question is... I am very serious about my boyfriend now, and I consider myself very lucky to have had a second chance with him. Do you think I should tell him about the incident with my coworker? Does it count as an affair if my boyfriend and I weren't dating at the time? I feel very guilty, but I think that if I tell my boyfriend, our relationship will be over (he already gave me one second chance), and since there's no chance of something like that happening again with my coworker or anyone else, I am very reluctant to bring it up. I love my boyfriend, and I would be incredibly upset if it ended now over my stupid mistake a year ago. I was worried to post this on another message board, but you all seem very non-judgmental, and like you're having similar experiences to the one that I had. I'm in my mid 20s, and haven't had much experience with this stuff.

1/02/2012 11:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No brainer...don't tell him. Spare him the heartache. Besides, in terms of your relationship, no biggie with the coworker, you didn't sleep with him and it's not like you're married.

1/02/2012 11:38 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've worked with my male coworker for five years, and I'm head over heels in love with him. Unfortunately, I'm married and he has a partner. I try hard to stop thinking about him, but I can't, it's like some crazy addiction. The dreams I have about him are not sexual, but more of a comfort. Like, in the dream, we are hugging and he is protecting me from the world. I feel so utterly content when I wake up from those dreams, then reality hits and I actually get disappointed. I don't have the guts to tell him how I feel about him, and I'm not ready to throw my marriage away either.

1/03/2012 8:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok - in a way, glad to know I'm not alone. I'm going through a similar situation. However, NOTHING has happened nor have any sexual comments been exchanged. Where it begins and ends is my attraction to him - THAT'S ALL. Here is my situation: I have worked with my married, older colleague for over 1 year. He was gone for about 6 months working on a project overseas, so I did not see him for that time period. He came back about 4 months ago and started working in our office again. When I learned he would be working with us again in the office, I was a thrilled simply because I enjoyed working with him. But something has changed. As of last month, I have developed a serious crush and attraction for him. I don't know what happened - just one day my feelings changed for him. Before - I didn't pay much attention to him and his actions. Sometimes, I wish I could rewind back. Anyways, I always knew when he walked in the door, he made me smile. But he is attached - a wife and 2 kids. There is about a 11 year age difference (he is older). I am also married with one child, so I am attached as well. These feelings suck simply because I respect him and his ties to his family. I feel ashamed, powerless, and guilty - also like a silly school girl. Occasionally, we have conservations about his physical health (he is having some medical issues and can't seem to get a break). I try to 'steer' away from getting too personal simply because I don't want to feel "attached". The convos have been innocent and he probably has no clue but I feel head over heels for him. WTH is my deal!

1/12/2012 10:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wrote here almost a year ago and the situation is the same. These crushes, they don't go away. Despite everything.

1/14/2012 12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Google led me here too. It's a relatively new crush but we both started our jobs at roughly the same time, are close in age, went to the same college although I don't remember him (I'm pretty sure I met him since it was a small college, we knew people in common, but college was 7 years ago and I was already 2 years ahead of him), and we just seem to have a lot in common.

I really didn't mean to get a crush but lately I've been getting a different vibe. Part of me thinks it's all in my head. I started having a crush so now anything he does or says is reflected back through that lens. The other part of me doesn't think I'm making it up because he definitely behaves differently with me from other women in the department. Including being more touchy in a flirty way (i.e. grabbing my arm because he was laughing at something I said and I'm not a touchy person even with my closest friends).

It's so very awkward. If I behave differently people notice but I don't want people to get the wrong impression. I would never ever do anything about my crush so I really wish it'd go away but he keeps doing little things that make it impossible and, honestly, I haven't had a crush on anybody in so long that it's kind of fun so I know I'm not doing all I can to get rid of my feelings and it's ultimately up to me to make my feelings go away.

1/14/2012 7:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I need your advice.. I am in love with a married coworker. I am 39, single and never married. She is 47, keeps very fit and is very sexy to me..
We work in a place that has several guys and one woman. Yes.. she is a flirt and will flirt with most of the other guys, but not seriously..
The problem is that I am taking the flirting serious and have fallen for her. She will initiate contact and rub against me, touch my hands, run her fingers down my back, and touch my neck.. however, the best part is that we have this intense eye contact between us. She has the most beautiful blue eye and we will gaze at each other for what seems like forever when we talk.. we dont even know what we are talking about... we just want to stare at each other..
The bad part is that she seems to be in lust with another coworker.
At least once a month, he will grope and hump her, which she seems to like. (I am not the type to do that to a woman). she will also rub against him and will find time to talk to him..
I know that she likes me.. I have caught her staring at me in a sort of trance state, and I am the only one that she will make intense eye contact with and am also the guy that she touches the most. she will also get very nervous sometimes when she talks to me..
I know she is a flirt and is probably just looking for what she isnt getting at home, but I can help feeling this way about her..
I have started to workout with her and seeing her at the gym after work is making me fall for her even more...we dont talk much at the gym and we do talk at work about personal stuff and have texted a few times mostly about work, but does end with have a good day, weekend and what are you doing on the weekend, ect..
I need HELP.. I cant sleep thinking about her and I see her all day at work and get very upset when she flirts with the other guys. I think she will cheat, but it will be with the guy she lusts after.. I want it to be with me..AAAAHHH

1/14/2012 9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've had a crush on my married manager for nearly 2 years now.. When he started at the company he didn't know the role so as part of his support team i had to train him. I an competent but by no means the most experienced in my office. Since then he constantly made a beeline for me- asking questions, calling me from his office, coming to see me and not talking to anybody else on his visits. I figured its due to the fact i helped him all that time ago and continue to help him- I put his work first and take extra care, write little notes when sending work back to him, where the other managers just get the file shoved in a bag. Its a full blown infatuation here- I am 22 and he is 35- he married a month before I met him to a much older lady, which he has told me he regrets as she doesnt want kids and kind of mothers him instead.
The worst part is, and i genuinely thought it would help me, is that I am currently on maternity leave as i had a little boy with my partner 11 weeks ago. Thought separation would help but i cannot stop thinking about this man!!! I love my family so much, though my partner treats me like crap from time to time, and I dont know what to do.
The work guy texts me often and says he misses seeing me, would i lime to meet for coffee, but I darent...
Damn I just want to fuck his brains out lol!

1/18/2012 12:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi All, this is Clare, the married academic having an affair with a married colleague. It has been a bit over two months since our relationship turned physical. Overall, I now spend more time at work than at home. My relationship with this man brings me great pleasure, and he has shared that it brings him great pleasure as well...more than we ever thought possible at this time in our lives. We are still grounded in our respective realities, but falling deeper in love with each other. I don't know what the end result it. There are three possibilities: (1) we go on like this for a very long time, (2) we both decide to change our lives ( or have the decision made for us by spouses who suspect/find out and are unwilling to deal with it) or (3) we need to stop. I don't know which will be the outcome, but I do know that I didn't think I could feel this way at my age. I'm amazed at the capacity of the human mind/body. He and I have several trips that we will be making together ( work related), so it will be interesting to see what extended time together is like. Part of me is so totally in this, every moment, and part of me is looking at this as a researhc project. You can take the girl out of college, but you can't take college out of the girl, I guess. My advice ( I am not religious and believe monogamy is a social construct meant to control people) to those of you in this position...go for it. You may be happier than you ever realized. If it doesn't work, you tried. You had the courage to try, which is more than most can say. However, you MUST be prepared for the fall out if found out, and own your behavior. I am ready and I do own my choices.

1/22/2012 3:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been reading the comments roll for almost a year now with new entries all the time. It's like a secret sharing project!

Anyway, I've been having a fling with a married coworker for a while now. It all started October a year ago when he joined our company as the construction controller. I work in quality control and product handover so we have to work together sometimes.

He's 47 in his second marriage, children (girl, 18 and boy 20)from first marriage. I'm 25 and single. When we met he didn't wear his ring so I didn't know he was married, I later found out he never wears his ring on construction sites. After we met that day he started sending flirty e-mails and I got hooked, this went on for a couple of months before I found out he was married. I tried to play it safe for a while after that, but the attraction got the better of us I guess.

Anyway, it was in May when we had our first kiss and it all got steamy after that. It doesn't help that we're working in a company that builds residential buildings and we are often alone in brand new furnished bedrooms so sometimes we test out the mattresses. There's a lot of touching and feeling but we only got naked once a few months ago and it was oral as I couldn't go through with the real thing.

Now we're back to steamy making out as our project is finished & we both are back at our offices and steal a kiss now and then. I think some of our colleagues suspect that we're more than friends and I know the smartest thing would be to break it off but I just can't do that - everytime I see him I melt. We both know it won't go on forever but we're enjoying the fun. It all sounds very silly but I've never met anyone I'd be so attracted to before and just hope we can be careful enough to avoid being found out.

1/29/2012 9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Single girl here with big crush on a married coworker. I've had this crush for at least a year now. It sucks. I try to forget about him and go out on dates with single guys that I actually have a chance with, but it never works out. On my most recent date (with a guy who really seemed interested in me), I ended up telling him about my crush on this married guy! LOL Of course, I downplayed the whole thing and acted like it wasn't a big deal, but if I'm bringing him up when I go on dates, I must be trying to sabotage myself or something. Maybe I only want him so badly because I can't have him? It's weird. I feel like there's a mutual attraction there even though we don't talk much and have never been inappropriate with each other. I just feel that the chemistry is there. But I know that I can't do anything about it and I don't think he would go there with me anyway. I know I should stop lusting after him and I know I should think of him as off limits, but the fact that he's unavailable and will most likely never leave his wife for me doesn't make him any less desirable to me.

So yeah, it sucks and I know I need to find a single guy who I like just as much, but I'm afraid I'll never find one! :(

2/05/2012 7:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I m married and have crush on married coworker for last three yrs .he knows that I like him but never said any thing to me . He did flirted with me few times I am so shy to response.now there is a new girl in office he tries to be nice to her talk to her and goes to his office . This is killing me I love my job but it's killing me makes me feel rejected I can not resign I tried to avoid him but when work 8 hrs together it's difficult pls help me

2/16/2012 10:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clare here. Married academic having an affair with a married co-worker. Things have gotten complicated. We think we are really in love with each other. There is incredible chemistry and compatibility and we just spent an incredible weekend together. The problem? His wife knows. She may leave him and if that happens I will have to think hard about my responsibility to him and consider leaving my own marriage. In the mean time we are considering renting a small apartment so we have a place to go when we want and, for me, to get some reality into this relationship. My husband is clueless, but our 25 years together have been devoid of emotional connection, so I don't expect him to detect a change in me. My lover's wife is a controlling person and he is so thrilled that I am not... And they are fighting all the time. She is going through a process.... Does she stay with him or dump him ( she is his age and a successful professional herself). We aren't sure what she will do, but as I said, if she dumps him I will have some major decisions to make. So, the moral? Be sure you want this and have your plan b in place because you might get caught or fall in love, or both. I am happier with this man than I have ever been in my life and we have incredible love making/ sex, conversation, fun, productivity, etc. We are surprised at our feelings and how intense things are. So again, be careful and be sure.

2/16/2012 11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoy your posts Claire.

2/17/2012 8:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Soo glad I found this in Google. Need to get some things out of my chest..

The crush started about a month ago when a one day work activity made me change my first impression of the new guy (he's been working with us for about 5 mos). he's 28, 2 years younger. He's single (as far as i know)Im married for 7 years, no kids. My husband and I can get along but not on the same wavelength most of the time. He is 10 years older than me. Marriage is nothing to talk about. The kind where we are staying in it since we are here already.
It wasnt crush at first sight with work guy. I didnt pay him much attention until that day when he really impressed me. Then my playful nature got the best of me and I started chatting him up. Then I got a brilliant idea. We have a single female co worker the same age as him and I thought I could play the matchmaker. So I spent more time talking to the new guy and was passing on the info to the female coworker. I must admit I enjoyed spending time with him (most of the time these conversations happen with other co workers are around - dont want them thinking something is going on) Then the new guy started flirting with me. And I mean heavy flirting. Winks, hugs, holding hands and all. He would ask me questions about my marriage which to me sounds like he's trying to figure out if Im looking for something Im not finding in my marriage. The other guys he hangs out with at work smiles and makes teasing comments when they see us talking which makes me think that he talks about me with them. Making me feel like we are already into something when we are not.
The other day I had to talk to him for reacting weird. Like we are in an affair! He said something about not wanting my husband to see us talking or doing anything together because he doesnt want to get into any trouble. So I corrected him and told him that we are not more than co workers and he should stop imagining things. At least thats what I want him to think.
I LIKE him. I fantasize about kissing him. At work I have been trying to find ways so I can see him and talk to him (and he is obviously doing the same thing too).. So he can wink at me or try to hold my hand...LOL. Thinking back I think I probably said or acted more than I should have but in my mind I was match making.
One thing which kinda disappoints me is he hasnt tried to email or text me. He never asked to contact me outside of work. I made more moves asking him about his account on Facebook, emailed him once about some favor he agreed to do for me..
A friend/co worker knows about this well my side of it. I told her about how the new guy has been flirting with me. She has not said anything but I kinda feel like she is looking out for me. Showing up when the new guy and I end up alone in the room...stuff like that.
I realized I look forward to mondays because I can flirt with him again and i dread the end of the work day and weekends. I think if he tries to contact me outside of work..this would develop into something else. Thank God he hasnt. Ive been trying to fight admitting that I do like the little game we are playing because I know its not right and it can turn out to be huge trouble for all involved. But all this attention and flirting is so refreshing and rejuvinating ITS ADDITIVE...

2/18/2012 5:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For the last poster ( married with no kids). THis is CLare. my advice is that if you are feeling this way about another man and you aren't on the same wavelength with your husband, it might be best to end your marriage. I had children ( a 2 year old when I married him and then two more within the next 5 years) and leaving would have been very hard on them, so I stayed. We grew further and further apart, and my husband is emotionally distant and just not the type of man I really should have been with. You, however, are in a similar situation emotionally, but don't have the children to consider. If I had no children I would have neve rstayed married to someone with whom I wasn't on the same wavelength with. FOr years Itried to get my husband to go to marriage counseling, couples retreats, etc. We did a little counseling, he always said it doesn't work ( because he wouldn't let it) and that I was (1) unrealistic in the type of relationship I wanted, and (2) men aren't emotionally connected, those guys don't exist, and (3) if they did, he ISN'T that guy. My current relationship with my colleague has shown me that this type of mad DOES exist, and that men are connected and deeply emotional, and sex and love making can be found in the same person, and that I can have the type of partner I need. Regardless of what happens with my colleague and me, I am getting closer to divorce since I know that what I want is out there. I have discussed this with my husband...we have had a few terrible fights recently, and he is happy with the status quo, which is me at work all the time, socializing with colleagues, him doing his thing, an occasional dinner out with friends, NO emotional connection ( just not open hostility) and quick, uninteresting sex once every two-three months. THat doesn't do it for me, so we are at least discussing not being together forever, but that isn't what he wants. For you folks contemplating this, children complicate the issue, as do financial considerations, but if you are without kids, you need to closely examine your current marriage and leave before the affiar, which is very complicating, and if you have young kids and can swing things financially, get out as well. THe worst age to to this is when kids are 8-18 years old ( unless there is abuse...then get out immediately). I am not a marriage counselor and the universe knows I have made my mistakes, but I do have experience and my own situation/considerations, etc. might offer some advice.

2/19/2012 12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so scared to leave a comment... I feel like leaving a comment is admitting to my feelings. I am in my late twenties, engaged to a wonderful man who I love dearly. We have been together for over 10 years, and live together.

But there is this man that I work with... he is 7 years older, happily married to his childhood sweetheart, and is a wonderful father to two young, adorable children. We work together very closely, every day.

I didn't think much of him when I first met him two years ago. I didn't find him very attractive, and I thought he was a bit sloppy and kind of rude. But he has a sharp mind, quick wit, and he cuts to the chase, which I like. I warmed up to him... quite quickly. He took me under his wing at work, and has been a real mentor to me. I know that he has a lot of respect for the work that I do, and is always very encouraging and supportive.

About a year ago, I had a vivid dream about him. He put his arms around me and asked me if I was in love with him. I told him "yes". Ever since that dream, my feelings for him have grown. But it really fucks with my mind, because I love my fiance. I have already hurt my fiance once, several years ago, when I became emotionally involved with another man (nothing physical ever happened). I almost lost him then, and swore that I would never let it happen again.

So why is this happening again? Is it possible to be in love with more than one person at the same time?

I would really just prefer if these feelings would go away. But every time they start to fade, my coworker does something to make me fall for him all over again. He has these bright, beautiful brown eyes. They sparkle and smile. Our eyes lock, and those moments feel like they last forever, and yet they are never long enough...

I'm not sure how he feels about me. I know that he is very fond of me, as a person. I am also sure that he thinks I am attractive (most men do). He can be quite flirtatious at times... but it's all pretty innocent, and I've seen him flirt with other women too... but not quite like how he flirts with me. Sometimes our hands will brush, and the thrill it gives me is really quite ridiculous.

A few months ago, we went out for drinks after work (with a group). We had to return to the office afterward to pick up our things. We were alone. He was acting very nervous. But nothing happened. We hugged "goodbye" and he kissed me on the cheek. At the office holiday party, we also hugged goodbye... I had a bit too much to drink, and let the hug linger for a long time. He didn't try to pull away. I whispered 'bye' into his ear, and he whispered 'bye' back to me. And I released the hug.

I'm not really sure what to do. Like most others here have stated, he consumes my mind. But I have way too much respect for him, and his family to make a move. And I have way too much respect for my husband-to-be to betray him again. But I feel like I already have betrayed him... just by feeling these things. I am also very serious about my job, and I would not want to jeapordize that in any way. I am very certain that my coworker feels the same way about his job.

I would really just like these feelings to go away.

What can I do? Should I invite my coworker and his wife and kids over for dinner? Will that help to give me the reality check that I so desperately need? I want to be a faithful, good person. That's all I want.

Signed,
Torchered Heart

2/19/2012 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For Ms. Tortured Heart,,
I fully understand how you feel. I also posted on this blog and honestly nothing much changed between me and my crush. Things are also v. similar. We work closely together, but physically are in different countries- we seldom see each other.
I think the reason why it's so hard is because we know what we need to do. You are in a committed relationship and seem to be dedicated to it. If anything were to happen between you and this man, you would remain with the images and maybe not be able to forget the whole affair v. easily. Nothing should come out of it, because both of you realize that you are committed to your partners. I think it's a matter of making a decision to stop indulging in fantasies, it's nice, but too painful. Also, what helped me was to make the person real, find out more about him. Perhaps you are just projecting your desires of how your partner should be on this man. Perhaps he is a very different person with his family or in an out of work context. I think the dinner idea is a good one. At least you could talk to the wife and see that his relationship is real, as yours is. Or, things might turn the other way around, and push you to do smth about it. Or he might just refuse!!
In any case, I think it's wise to make a decision about this torture.
I think I should make one myself ...

2/27/2012 6:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG... I am going thru something similar. My co-worker is married and so am I. He has 3 kids, I have none. He married his highschool sweetheart. We message each other pretty much all day and everyday. I have such a crush on him. He is a beautiful person. We have conversations that I never thought I would have with anyone. We are both blown away by how close we have gotten is such a short period of time... I know it is wrong. But I want him. I want him badly...

3/02/2012 6:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad that this blog exists, it'll be so good to get this off my chest because the feelings of guilt and infatuation are killing me. I've been working with this man over the last year and we are both married for more than 7 plus years. At first I didn't think much of him he is totally not my type but one day out of nowhere when he leaned in to show me something on the computer I was working on I felt this sensation all over my body and I had not felt anything like it since I had met my husband and he was the only man I had ever experienced this with. At first I was a little confused didn't know what to think of it but after I felt this feeling when he was near me I realized that I had feelings for him. He was asking me for help with his projects more and more and he would go out of his way to help me and then it hit me that he liked me too!!!!!!!
The attraction between us is so intense but we both try so hard not to flirt with one another because we both sincerely love our spouses. He'll joke with me sometimes and I can't help but laugh at his jokes even the lame ones but I catch myself and try to think of my husband and how he would feel that I was feeling like this about another man. But I'll catch him staring at me all the time and I can't help myself but to look at his broad shoulders of look into his eyes. One time we where in the office with a room full of people and he asked me to help him out with something and he looked so deep in my eyes I felt as if everyone disappeared except us. He's a good person and so am I so nothing will ever happen....I've even tried to avoid him and not work with him so much because the attraction is just too intense but when we're around eachother we can't help but smile at eachother and he'll just look into my eyes and then stare at my lips. I've caught him looking at my chest quite a few times too, I'm a 36DD so they're hard to miss but sometimes I think he doesn't realize that I see him staring. It feels good to know that someone likes you I feel like a teenager again, but I think I might leave this job and move on because my marriage is too important to me to mess up and I don't think it's a good idea to keep working with this man because the attraction between us is too intense. I find myself know trying to leave the room if he's around because my heart feels as if its beating out of my chest and the feelings are only growing. We looked into eachothers eyes recently and no words needed to be said but it was like we were telling eachother "I want you." I need to get away from him it's the only way to forget about this attraction and move on but he makes me feel so good it's like I'm addicted to this high that he makes me feel.

3/04/2012 1:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know how you feel, I've found myself in a similar situation. Our attraction is so intense sometimes I have to look away because the eye contact makes me feel as if I'll explode. We try to pretend that we're not attracted to eachother but we both know we are....sometimes even catching ourselves being a little too helpful and pulling away and being very formal with eachother so as not to bring attention to ourselves but I feel like some of our office mates have caught on that we like eachother. I've imagined us kissing so many times when we're talking....sometimes the sexual chemistry is too much too handle and I find myself needing to splash cold water on my face to snap out of it in the middle of the work day. Feels good just to tell someone because I can't talk about this with anyone. The scary thing is I don't feel guilty about having these feelings anymore and I'm worried about what that might lead to.

3/04/2012 1:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm married, she's married and I think we both are crushing on each other. Well I know I'm crushing. When ever we are in the presence of one another she's all smiles, I small so hard my face hurts. I've texted with her but felt I may make her uncomfortable by doing that so I tried avoidance and I think she missed me. When we ran into each other at work it was like wow! magnified by 10. She commented on not seeing me in awhile and the happiness in her eyes to see me just makes me crush even more. I'm sure I had a similar look of excitement to see her as well. It's so hard not to act on these feelings, I only want to see her happy and complications could lead to unhappiness. I'm happy to be her friend but I'm so in to her. Sigh

Workplace Crusher

3/05/2012 12:35 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dont know where to begin. I guess I'll start by saying I am really in love with my married co worker. She has one young child and I am in a relationship with two. I enjoy going to work everyday cause I know i will see and talk to her. She is like my best friend atleast when I am at work. We tell each other almost anything and we do everything at work together. I have to joke and be sarcastic just to hide how much I want to kiss her. I can tell she likes me alot too, but just like me she doesnt want to mess up her relationship. But at the same time I dont want/cant not see her. Sometimes she gets me little gifts if I have done anything for her and I try to play it cool, but truthfully I am just falling more and more in love. Day by Day we are getting just a little more touchy feely. Its funny but when we go out people think she is my wife. We just have that type of chemistry together. As much as I want her though, I am not going to ruin her marriage and express my feelings. However if she pusued me I am not sure i would tell her know. In fact Im pretty sure I would do just the opposite. I dream about her alot, in a very very adult type of way. I think im falling for her more and more day by day. Who knows where this is headed

3/05/2012 10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been crushing on my married coworker for nearly a year now. I'm also married but have a lot of problems in my marriage so I fell really hard for this guy because I felt like he had so many qualities I loved that I was missing in my relationship. I think the feeling is mutual because he acts very different with me than with the other people in our office. We'll randomly smile at each other for no reason at all and he'll look me up and down fixating on different parts of my body and face. I try so hard to not be obvious but I know it shows and he knows I'm falling for him. I would never do anything about it because I could not face myself for being unfaithful...but if I were to leave my marriage the things I would do to him...sigh. From reading everyone else's posts I can see that there is no way to stop these feelings, they're intoxicating. Never thought I'd find myself in this situation, but here I am. Kissing him would taste so sweet, he's the strong silent type and I find that to be so sexy. But when he does speak he says all the right things, I just want to feel his hands on me he's got big manly hands that would feel so good. This is so wrong but I can't control these feelings anymore, I wonder if he knows just how bad I want him.

3/05/2012 11:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog. I've been following now for a few months. I have a huge crush on a married coworker. I'm also married to. I've been with my husband for 10 years. The minute I saw my coworker I said damn hes hot but in the begining was fine with it. Then over time I started to get drawn to him. I struggled with telling him I wanted him. Then I couldnt help myself. It was our holiday party and we were both drunk. We were on the same page and left the party together. We only stopped because coworkers saw us. The next day at work we chalked it up to alcohol. I was still dying because I so wanted him but couldnt tell him. I really didnt want to cheat on my husband. Then another opportunity came and we had sex. It was amazing! I feel so strange because I just want him physically. Then the next day we had sex again. I feel so conflicted I dont love him but I still want him.....i dont want a full affair but I think he wants to hook up on rare occassions. So wierd! I dont know how to stop feeling this way as I dont want to ruin my family. But damn hes hot, 10yrs younger than me and the sex was amazing.

3/06/2012 12:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog. I've been following now for a few months. I have a huge crush on a married coworker. I'm also married to. I've been with my husband for 10 years. The minute I saw my coworker I said damn hes hot but in the begining was fine with it. Then over time I started to get drawn to him. I struggled with telling him I wanted him. Then I couldnt help myself. It was our holiday party and we were both drunk. We were on the same page and left the party together. We only stopped because coworkers saw us. The next day at work we chalked it up to alcohol. I was still dying because I so wanted him but couldnt tell him. I really didnt want to cheat on my husband. Then another opportunity came and we had sex. It was amazing! I feel so strange because I just want him physically. Then the next day we had sex again. I feel so conflicted I dont love him but I still want him.....i dont want a full affair but I think he wants to hook up on rare occassions. So wierd! I dont know how to stop feeling this way as I dont want to ruin my family. But damn hes hot, 10yrs younger than me and the sex was amazing.

3/06/2012 12:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi All,
THis is Clare. It is amazing to see how many of us are in this situation. An update on mine: We love each other. His wife knows and is struggling with " should I stay or should I go". Neither of us will pressure the other. I can stay married and so can he. We have discussed that if his wife ends it, we will take a chance on each other and I will leave my marriage as well. It is in her hands, and that is strange. He will not end his relationship with me and told her to back off...he hasn't admitted it, but told her " You know who you are married to". ( He ran around a great deal in his home country) . SHe was enraged, but now , according to him, quiet. SHe may be waiting for the right moment, or accepting it. FOr me, I feel either is fine. As I have said, I have a stable but very in-interesting and un-satisfactory marriage, but my husband is OK with the status quo...no clue about any of this. He make a good living, we have wonderful friends and a wonderful home and kids. If I stay my life is a dream for many. However, it is emotionally empty, and my lover fills that emptiness in me, so if we do end up trying it, that is a major box checked. As crass as it seems, I am in a win-win situation ( I am being honest here...on this blog since there seems to be no judgement, just sharing) . HE and I are apartment hunting..looking for a little studio to save on hotels ( it wil lcost the same but we wil lhave unlimited access) .

Anyway, I do have VERY strong feelings for him and am very curious at the outcome.

Good luck to you all, and I know yo uhave to balance following your hearts with your obligations and the need for safety and stability. Life is strange and wonderful and fantastic.

3/08/2012 8:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another one bites the dust...
I am married close to 5 yrs and have a little one at home. My coworker came to our place of work 3 years ago when my manager approached me to orient him. I remember seeing him earlier in the day, he stopped me in my tracks. I thought, wow that guy is hot. Anyway, I got to know him pretty well, 13 yrs older than me, single, never married, no kids. I thought I could play match maker. Even tried to set him up a couple times.
Like many others here, it was never anything more than a platonic work friendship until one night I had an odd and racy dream with him in it. I made the mistake of mentioning it to him and he'd have that power to make me blush over it. Last year we took a seminar together and were let out early, he invited me over to hang out and against my better judgement I complied. At his house drinks were involved a lot of talking and giggling and out of no where he kissed me. I kissed back of course. After collecting myself, I hightailed it outta there.
We'd see eachother at work, he'd ask me how I was bc of what happened between us. Somehow a seed of what I'd was planted in my head, what if wed take it further? What would that be like. I took it upon myself to pursue him and find out. After heavy flirting via text we planned on a time I could get away. I spent the night with him and, wah wah wah. Not worth it! All talk and no action! We're talking 2 pump chump! That's what made it worse, it wasn't even mind blowing to make it remotely worth it.

3/14/2012 7:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What can I say, I'm so glad this forum exists. There really is no one I can turn to about my attraction to my married co-worker. We are both married, and for the most part, happily married. Although I'm not really sure if he has any feelings for me, I know I have developed a crush on him and it feels like it becomes more like love each day. Initially, he was not someone I was immediately attracted to but overtime we have developed a close working friendship. We have worked closely in different projects and he spends a lot of time in my office. We often talk about so many things and often goes into different tangents but its always good conversation about our personal life, experiences and he makes me laugh. He is genuinely a good and warm person,he's becoming more and more a confidant in my work life. But what also complicates matters is that he is someone who reports to me and I know I should put up more boundaries but have found it increasingly more difficult. I know he is protective of me, but wonder if I'm not making more out of his feelings. His persona is caring and he exhibits that with many others. He is a kind person who most people gravitate and many enjoy his company. He is also a gentleman who will open the door and hold it for all the ladies. I find that his other coworkers, mostly females, are often vying for his attention and wonders how much he notices that they seem to go out of their way for him. I still feel our relationship differs because he has told me how comfortable he feels around me and reveals so much more to me than the others in our office. At times I have caught him staring at me and notice that he oftens tries to make eye contact with me. There have been plenty of times when I know he has made excuses to talk to me or be near my presence and it thrills me. We have often taken long lunches together and I find that I often make excuses to talk to him too. What is wrong with me??? I can't possibly have these feelings. I have a really great husband and family and would never jeopardize it, but I can't stop these feelings. Now, I find I'm starting to get jealous when he spends more time with other coworkers and its not right. I can't have these thoughts, I don't want to act on them. I find that I need some distance, but when I do, I'm just miserable. I know that's not the right answer because we have to work togather for so many things and I have to be his boss. To complicate matters, I think that others in our office have noticed our closeness and gossip has ensued! I know if there wasn't something there, this gossip wouldn't be fueled. So I I'm not sure what more I can do but vent these feelings out and do my best to try to ignore these thoughts and feelings. I will not succumb to this foolishness. But live with the misery and do my best to hide these feeling and avoid him.

3/15/2012 5:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just found out from google and I found this post... I'm happy that I'm not the only "freak" that going thru this alone. We have been working together for the past one year and I wasn't really interested in her at first ( due to she's married with a 4 years old son ) but as time goes by, I find her pretty attractive, and she's smart, sexy, hot, pretty ( everything u can name it) and of course, I knew my line ( I thought ) but as time goes by, I realized I am so obsess of her!! I eat, sleep, drink, party thinking of her and she can't get our of my mind!! Then I realized I have gone too far for her. Example : buying breakfast and high tea for her every single day for the past 2 weeks and I know have to stop before it gone so bad!! and I have distance her for a week now, and things does not get better as I'm crazily missing her! I can't sleep and eat well.. and worst part is, she kinda pissed off and keep even further distance!! what should I do? should I keep contact with her? as I seeing her almost everyday! I need a advise seriously! how are you guys dealing with it after ur last post?

3/26/2012 1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just found out from google and I found this post... I'm happy that I'm not the only "freak" that going thru this alone. We have been working together for the past one year and I wasn't really interested in her at first ( due to she's married with a 4 years old son ) but as time goes by, I find her pretty attractive, and she's smart, sexy, hot, pretty ( everything u can name it) and of course, I knew my line ( I thought ) but as time goes by, I realized I am so obsess of her!! I eat, sleep, drink, party thinking of her and she can't get our of my mind!! Then I realized I have gone too far for her. Example : buying breakfast and high tea for her every single day for the past 2 weeks and I know have to stop before it gone so bad!! and I have distance her for a week now, and things does not get better as I'm crazily missing her! I can't sleep and eat well.. and worst part is, she kinda pissed off and keep even further distance!! what should I do? should I keep contact with her? as I seeing her almost everyday! I need a advise seriously! how are you guys dealing with it after ur last post?

3/26/2012 1:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey everyone great to see there is a page that exists for this topic so I take some comfort in realizing that I am not the only one in this situation. Although by writing this I am actually admitting my feelings and that is tough because at least living in denial holds some comfort.

I have been married 4 years and it has not been all smooth sailing. The passion is all but gone and so is the sex. The girl I have a crush on has been in a relationship for 7 years and we work in the same building centre. What can I say about her? She is gorgeous, smart, funny, flirtatious and damn sexy. More than anything I love her personality. She is so caring and considerate and makes my heart skip a beat everytime I see her.
The thing is that we constantly flirt via email and face to face, we have talked about really personal things including sex.
Recently we have ramped up the dirty talking and she admitted that one of her regrets is that she has only ever been with the one guy. As a sort of joke I asked if she would ever consider cheating with anybody and she said no. This really demoralized me as it has pretty much told me that I have no chance. The thing is I know there is chemistry between us and I am pretty sure she has some sort of a crush on me. I find myself always thinking about her, always popping into her office just to be around her and texting her. She always plays back which keeps me going.
The thing is that I am a pretty confident guy but I don't want to risk doing anything and find that she doesn't or has never felt the same way. All I know is that everyday I am falling for her everyday. I hate it and I feel like an idiot!
In saying all that everybody always wants what they don't have. It's like a kid who has a new toy. For the first few weeks he is obsessed with it and absolutely loves it. As time goes on the toy becomes monotonous and the kid wants a new one. It is the same with all of us. I am sure that if the majority of us actually got our crush it would be great for a while and then it wouldnt be as fun. In saying that I would do almost anything to have my crush for one romantic night to hold her, kiss her, caress her and make love to her. Yep, monogamy sux sometimes... :)

3/28/2012 4:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am unhappily married, 10 yrs with kids..been with my husband since I was 18. I like men and have had the occasional crush, but it was innocent and never led to flirting or anything. About a year ago, I was introduced to a guy at work because he was working with a peer. I was floored. Instant raw animal attraction unlike anything I have EVER felt, even with my husband. I was so sexually charged all that day, I went home and had uncharacteristically hot sex with my husband while fantasizing about this guy. He is married with a toddler. Nothing happened, but I definitely thought about him a lot, but our paths didn't cross very often at work. Fast forward to now. We are working on a project together. I am so sexually attracted to him it's sick. Its not just that though...I genuinely want to get to know him and be part of his life somehow. I am drawn to him. I try to keep things professional, but the other day, I found myself very openly eye-fucking him, and he noticed and gave an irresistible little smirk. I snapped back to reality and acted professional again, but since then, there is chemistry...a definite charge whenever we have eye contact. I am getting to the point where I almost don't care what I "should" do... I just want to have some fun for once in my life and start flirting and see where it goes. God he is hot. And married. And so am I. And horny. :)

3/29/2012 11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, have any of you come to terms with the fact that you will never, ever hook up with your married coworker crush? I recently came to terms with this. And it sucks. It doesn't lessen the intensity of the crush at all. Would love to hear other thoughts on this.

4/01/2012 5:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wrote a month ago about having sex with my forbiden crush. My feelings have not faded. I actually want him more.
I'm still struggling with telling him I still want him. I'm having such a hard time holding in my feelings. I also am confused as to why I dont feel guilty. I actually want it to happen again. I fantasize all the time of how we can make this happen without anyone finding out. Whats wrong with me? Am I just horny? Neglected wife? Midlife crisis? I dont know. I dont want to feel like this. How can I want someone so much that i'm risking my job and family?

4/02/2012 5:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I googled "keeping a friendship platonic" for some help managing my forbidden crush and came across the topic of "emotional affair". Here is some of what it had to say.
••••

Emotional Affairs 101
Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair
There are several warning signs of an emotional affair.
•You are withdrawing from your spouse.
•You are preoccupied and daydream about your friend more and more.
•You are not interested in being intimate with your spouse, either emotionally or sexually.
•The amount of time you and your spouse spend together is less.
•When confronted about the apparent emotional affair, you respond, "We're just friends."
•You find yourself anticipating when you can communicate or be with your friend again. Alone time together is important to you.
•You are sharing your thoughts, feelings, and problems with your friend instead of your spouse.
•You find reasons to give your friend personal gifts.
•Your friend seems to understand you better than your spouse does.
•You are keeping your friendship a secret from your spouse.
•A platonic friendship can evolve into an emotional affair when the investment of intimate information crosses the boundaries set by the married couple.
•An emotional affair is opening relationship doors that should remain closed.
•One of the differences between a platonic friendship and an emotional affair is that an emotional affair is kept secret.
•Another difference is that people involved in an emotional affair often feel a sexual attraction for one another. Sometimes the sexual attraction is acknowledged and sometimes it isn’t.
• Although cheaters are often guilt-free in an emotional affair because there is no sex involved, their spouses often view an emotional affair as damaging as a sexual affair.
• Those involved in an emotional affair are often in denial. They don’t think they’re having an affair at all. The denial keeps them guilt-free, and they feel they don’t have to give it up. They tell themselves, “It’s just a friendship.”~~~

My crush and I do have some sort of connection, definitely unspoken, no ground rules other than common sense. Is this a reason men and women can't be friends? I don't like avoiding her. I do enjoy our interactions. I want to be around her and also stay away from her. I need to find a happy medium.

Workplace Crusher

4/04/2012 8:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi everyone, it's Mandy, the quality controller from the post 1/29/12.

It's been a couple more months and my crush got a promotion and is being moved to an executive office sharing it with an executive director and two assistants which means I will not be able to see him as often and he won't be able to slip out to see me in my office.

I'm thinking about breaking this all off. I will never be able to be with him and I'm starting to get these panic attacks thinking what if someone finds out about us. I don't want to cause pain to anyone (including us) and think I'll suffer less if I walk away now. Having hooked up with my crush, I don't regret it - it's been the most exciting year in my life so far and the closest I've been to falling in love with anyone.

But it takes constant discipline to keep reminding yourself that you can't be daydreaming, you can't get too attached, you will spend all the holidays and weekends without him and you can't call him when something exciting happens after office hours.

I think I'll keep our hook up going until 9th of May which will be a year from our first kiss and will break up with him and I hope we can still be friends.

I don't know what's so special about this guy that made me risk my career and good reputation for a year, but I know it was worth it and had he been available, I would have tried to make him mine.

He loves his wife, but it's not just this raw magnetism between us. He does care about me, but I can never compare to his feelings for her. It's not easy or fair but it is what it is and I'm happy and grateful because I might never have another chance to be with someone like him.

I'll let you know how it goes.

4/07/2012 7:30 AM  
Anonymous Liz said...

I am the married one, 7 years, with a child. He is recently engaged and also much younger. I have very real dreams about him that are so distracting and then cannot wait to see him at work. The days I get to spend time with him I am happier. I sense there is a fair chance he feels attracted to me as well. My greatest fear is that people at work will be able to tell and will think there is something going on. 2nd fear is might we be tempted at some point. Any comments are welcomed!!

4/11/2012 5:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was so relieved to find this blog. I have known my crush for three years, in fact I can remember meeting him on my first day and feeling this crazy, instant chemistry. I have been with my husband for six years now, and we have one small child. He is a great guy, but for the past year or so I just haven't felt that attracted to him. When I first met my coworker, I assumed he was young and single and to take my mind off of him, I started plotting to get him together with my young, single friends. I was totally surprised to hear someone mention his wife and three kids in a meeting (a year and a half later). He had never mentioned it to me, although by then I had noticed the ring on his finger. He seemed equally surprised when he found out that I have a son, although there are pictures of him all over my office. We seem to have an unspoken agreement that those topics are off-limits, and they are still off-limits.

So ... we had some really, really flirty conversations and I found myself fantasizing about him almost constantly. I thought he might like me back, but I wasn't sure. Then I got pregnant again, by my husband of course. Since pursuing anything with him was pointless, I basically cut off all contact with him and managed to forget, for awhile. We lost the baby and I was pretty consumed dealing with the fallout from that for awhile.

And then, I saw him this week, for the first time in months. He drove me around to a few project sites, we made jokes about how hot it was (he said I was making him hot, I threatened to take off my clothes if he cranked the heater any higher), and when we got back to the parking lot we just sat and talked for another 40 minutes. It was clear that neither one of us wanted to let go of the moment but a coworker interrupted us. Damn!

I cant sleep. All I can think about is his hands on my body, his lips on my skin, I want him inside me and I have NEVER felt this way about a man before. I know it's wrong but I really don't care. If he wants it, he is going to get it at some point, let's put it that way. We have invented a new project to work on together, it will take us to another city for a meeting next month and we talked yesterday about hitting a baseball game that afternoon to make a day of it (ithe city is just 90 minutes away).Our email exchange this afternoon:

Me: Sent him and a coworker a generic message about a project.
Him: "I don't see a baseball schedule here?"
Me: "May X and X are both afternoon games, we can be home by 6. Did you think I was kidding?!"
Him: "I am hoping you are not kidding."
Me: Totally consumed by butterflies and grinning like an idiot at my computer, by the way. I responded with a simple, "No kidding here. But you have to choose the date!"

And, it's been radio silence ever since. I am going to DIE between now and tomorrow afternoon waiting for him to respond. If he decides he doesnt want to take it further, i'll just have to get over it. But if he does ... It would be our first time together outside of the work environment, and I get all tingly and woozy just thinking about it. Let's be real, these feelings are stupid and EMBARASSING but also a lot of fun. I want to kiss him so bad, I want to take him on business trips and go to motels and the whole 9 yards. I know I should get to know him better but I really just want to fuck right now. He is so. Goddamn. Hot.

4/12/2012 9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you are married you should break off as much contact as you can so things won't progress. That would be the right thing to do. But I can't let her go.

I am crushing on a single woman at work and have shared those feelings with her. We have been close friends for awhile now, and I know she has strong feelings for me too. I just hope the friendship will survive my confession. She is the most beautiful person inside and out, and any kind of relationship beyond friendship would probably destroy her. I need her in my life.

I need to focus my energy into my family and work and stop thinking her. Wish me luck.

4/14/2012 11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

20+ years of marriage, hasn't always been easy but we are better off now than ever. There is a young lady at work who gives all the right signals, twisting her hair, acting coy, stopping by the office to see me occasionally. I have to say it is driving me insane, she is beautiful and although I have a great sex life with my wife I cannot imagine how wonderful it would be to have someone in such incredible physical condition. She has a boyfriend but doesn't seem really serious and I have a bad feeling that I am infatuated. I am looking for excuses to go out for drinks and the like - what to do?

4/16/2012 6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad this site exist. I found myself in a similar situation and have been wanting to talk to someone, anyone about what I'm going through. Been married over 20years with 2 children. For the most part I have been happy during that time with the usual ups and downs that one experiences in marriage. A major exec in a good company and I have strived to make home life good by giving my family everything I could. A little over 2years ago this lady started to work at the company. A real sweetheart of a woman, who showed intelligence, was kind, hard working, avoiding the rumor mill
and her presence seemed to command a respect from all her co-workers. I thought she was classy is in her dress style and office manner any co-worker had anything negative to say about her, I never heard it. I ALWAYS heard others speak well of her. From the very beginning I thought she was a beautiful woman with the most beautiful smile and personality. She was very quiet at first, only chatting with me if I initiated the conversation. Little by little it became a morning ritual and I could see she had become comfortable with me. I noticed everything about her and I started to pay her compliments. We started to greet one another with a smile and a hello each morning. I found myself telling her things about myself from the past to the future. She would laugh at the stories I shared and I came to realized I loved the sound of her laughter. I looked forward to seeing her each day. I couldn't help myself and wanted to touch her so I initiated the high five in passing or the quick tap on the arm in talking. I noticed she liked a certain pastry and I started to leave them on her desk every now and then, so as not attract too much attention. I began to dread the end of the week because I knew that I would have to go 2 days (weekends) without seeing her. She ended up taking some time off and I actually got depressed because I was not able to see her. When she returned I was so overcomed with joy I hugged and kissed her on the cheek. It just felt like the most natural thing to do. Afterwards I realized my actions but it was too late. After a while I knew others were noticing my unorthodoxed behavior around her but I couldn't help myself. I was drawn to this woman.
I tried more than once to pull back from her realizing my status both marital and company wise. She was recently let go in a lay-off and I feel the reason she was chosen was largely because of me. She was never encouraging or inappropriate in her mannerism towards me. I knew the company policy on fraternizing. She made a lot of friends and from time to time when in passing I hear someone speaking about receiving an email from her. I want so badly to ask about her. I miss her so much! And yet I love my family. I never thought I would find myself in this position this late in life. This must be what my father meant when he once told me and my brother that life is full of pitfalls and things are not always black and white, sometimes there is a gray area. Thanks for allowing me this release.

4/26/2012 11:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. Married woman, I haven't had the courage to post my story yet. However, the previous entry (04/26) was beautifully stated. Thank you for sharing, I am sure many will appreciate it, and can relate. Best of luck to you! :)

4/27/2012 12:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok so I have the same issue, but a small twist. My crush is my new boss. Cannot for the life of me get him out of my head. He actually got the job I was going for and before I met him I thought this guy will not be well received be me...lol.
WRONG...crushing on him BIG time. I actually have been having sex with my husband, which I have not had in months, because of this guy. He is married too. He has made more than a few comments about how lucky my husband is and another about me and my looks . while looking at my photo in my office, I said I thought I looked like a monkey in a picture he was looking at, then he , without batting an eye, said I must be attracted to primates.
I emailed him from my NON work email, on a day off to be flirty a bit and let him know if they needed me to email me at that address. It is a strange email address and he asked me what the word in my email address was. I told him and he responded back with and I kid you not,
xxx "his las name" has a nice ring to it.....I got wet when I read that.
He is one big ass flirt.
I went out and bought sexy underwear for when I go back to work, just to feel even sexier around him. I just want to fuck his brains out. Ahhhhhh.

4/29/2012 12:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks to Married Woman that thought my entry posted (04/26)was beautifully stated. I just wrote from my heart. Be courageous and write your story. The fact that this site allows you the priviledge of being anonymous really helps. It helps you to get things off your chest that you otherwise wouldn't be able to. To carry that unhappiness around inside causes you to die a little. When I wrote about the gray area in life, I had to really think back about what was going on with my father when he sat me and my brother down. Now I believe I really UNDERSTAND! I was young and didn't at the time. I think because he only told that to me and my brother, that was his way of preparing us for what might eventually happen to us as men one day, if at all. I am a lot like my father realizing that if you commit to something you follow through. My father was there in the home and he really loved his children. There were 5 of us, 2 boys and 3 girls. His love was evident when he spent time with us and in my opinion he was a good provider, a great father and a wonderful husband. He treated our mother with the utmost respect and always schooled my brother and I on how we should treat our women. He led us by example. But every now and then I would see my father with this look and it was during those times he seemed orchestrated when dealing with our mother. I now believe that my father had fallen in love with another woman. When I posted my blog that day I was able to admit to myself that I had allowed myself to become emotionally attached to another woman other than my wife. I use to wonder how my married friends could do such a thing to the woman they promised to love and cherish until to death do they part! Well now I know it's not something that is always planned or intentional, sometimes stuff just happens!!! She has been gone from the company 4 months now and I think about her every day. When I go to sleep and when I open my eyes. I feel like such a heel laying next to wife at night and thinking of her. I can only hope that in time this will pass. I, much, like my father will continue to do what is right and will take this secret to my grave.

4/29/2012 4:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's so nice to know that I'm not alone! Thank you everyone for sharing your stores.
I'm married and he is single. We work together in a 3 person team. We worked like partners before we hired the third team member. He is not my type at all but I became attracted to him more and more every day. All I can think about is him when I'm at work or at home. I'm not sure if he knows or not. But I did tell him that if he ever leaves I will be really sad and I kissed his cheek (I was drunk after a few drinks at coworker happy hour).

My problem is that we barely make small talks. Almost every conversation is related to work. So I don't know how this feeling start and has been grown so fast.

I just want him so badly...

5/04/2012 2:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok so I am posting again. I have no one to talk to so I find myself drawn here as a form of confession. I am married and I am lusting after my married new boss. The feeling is mutual as he told me tonight. I already knew that. I feel like so far I have just been making flirty comments and it is all kind of innocent. I have never flirted with anyone like this before. It just feels so good. I blush when I say things to him but they just fall out of my mouth. I need to do this. Tonight we left a conference and we walked out together. It was raining slightly and we stood talking in the rain. Neither of us wanted to go. It was so obvious. On my way home, all I could do was think of him. Why didnt we go for a drink? Then my phone rang. It was him. We talked for an hour or so. I professed my lust for him in small comments and got reciprocal comments back. I can't sleep I can't eat. He's all I think of. I know he feels the same. I dont want anything more than a kiss. I am feeling badly in my own marriage. I don't want an affair but am enjoying this high. Why can't I stop thinking of this guy? OMG I am having an emotional affair which is headed nowhere good. He makes up excuses to email me, to come to my office, and now to call me. Beforemi met him, If I saw him walking down the street, I would not have have looked twice. Now I think he's so adorable. He has the best smile. God I want to kiss him. He just emailed me and told me I looked almost as fine as him today...I flirted back, "wait til you see me tomorrow". Now I won't be able to sleep again....damn him!

5/08/2012 10:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am married and for a number of years I have had a crush on a coworker. She has a boyfriend she hopes to marry and I am so envious of him. I love my wife and in spite of our problems I love our life together. The trouble is, and for reasons I’ll never know, I’ve developed a crush on someone else.

Well, I have to take that back. My coworker is amazing. She’s gorgeous, smart, and funny and we have great chemistry. We are each other’s work spouses. When needed, she knows exactly what to get for me when we order takeout and I know how she likes her tea. There’s an unspoken assumption that we’ll eat lunch together and if I make lunch plans with someone else she playfully guilt trips me about it. At office outings, we usually only go if the other is going and are ready to send a rescue text to get the other out of a crappy conversation.

When out together, people have assumed that we were a couple. I find that reassuring because that tells me she likes me. I mean, I know she likes me; but, I’m not sure that she feels the same way.

There’s a line that we won’t cross. There are conversations that we won’t have. And she’s a better defender of that line and of maintaining an emotional distance by not getting too personal with me and by not feeding the situation when I share something personal with her.

Interesting omissions: We almost never touch except when we go out for drinks with coworkers and only then when everyone else is hugging. And she almost never gives me a personal compliment unless I catch her checking me out. If another woman in the office pays me a personal compliment in her presence, she’ll add on in a very matter of fact way.

So I wonder, does she know I have a crush on her and simply manage it so that it doesn’t get out of hand? Or does she like me too but know deep down that the risk of long term harm if something were to happen between us is not worth the short term reward of that experience. Either way, what I like most about her is the sense that regardless of how she feels she won’t let us do something that we’ll regret. And that makes me want her more.

Like some of you, I was totally under control until I had the most amazing and astonishingly realistic sexual dream about her. This happened early in what is now a long working relationship. It’s weird, but that dream changed everything.

Sometimes I think I just want a kiss, one kiss; because, with that kiss I’ll finally know for sure how she feels about me. I don’t want to disrupt my life or hers. I just want to know that out there in the world, she likes me too. But there’s no such thing as just one kiss, is there?

She knows me well enough that if she reads this, I’m probably busted. Then again, if she’s on this blog it’s because she must be feeling the same way about me.

Thanks for listening.

Mr. Totally Crushed Out

5/10/2012 4:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arg, me too.

Like everyone else I am happy I found this blog. I suppose we all know that crushes happen every day but to read about them all...it's like a big support group.

I am married to a wonderful woman, and we have one young child. My wife and I actually met at work when we were both single and have always had a great connection on most levels except one...sex. Now I know that as a man, it is not uncommon for me to want sex perhaps more than she does. And I further understand that the usual reaction to that kind of statement is one of skepticism and some judgement. But what I mean is that in all the years we've been together, sex has been almost non-existant. I'm speaking of once every 8 weeks or so, there would be basic, bare bones, don't do this, don't do that, feel like we were doing it so I'd leave her alone sex. Point being, I felt and feel like we drifted into a partnership rather than a relationship. And I suppose that deprevation is only adding fuel to the fire.

A few months ago a new woman started working in my office. She too is about my age, married with kids. Our conversations are innocent enough, there is no talk of relationships or anything else, nor does she present herself in any suggestive way (dress or conduct), yet I find that I have developed a huge crush on her. So now I'm wondering if she feels the same way. Our office is small and quiet, so there's not a lot of reason for us to be chatting, but it happens with greater frequency. On occassion she will touch my shoulder or arm when there's no reason to. When she mentioned that she recently bought too much chocolate during a shopping trip, she mentioned that she was going to bring me the rest (not the office, just me). Just today I was out for lunch with other co-workers and she happened into the same place to grab something. She came over to say hi and ended up touching my shoulder twice when she was saying that she would see us back at the office. I think about her and look forward to seeing her everyday.

On the one hand I'm sure she's just being polite, on the other hand I am concerned about my ever increasing feelings and find myself fantasizing and wishing that she would come to my office and awkwardly confess having a crush on me. Of course when I read some of the other entries here, for example about conferences, I fantasize about other things.

Like I said I do love my wife and would be devistated if I couldn't see my child every day, and I'm sure that part of this is a "the grass is always greener" kind of thing. But reading about Claire and the notion of happiness between 2 married people... gets me thinking. I feel horny and guilty, just like Freud said we would.

5/10/2012 8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Arg, me too.

Like everyone else I am happy I found this blog. I suppose we all know that crushes happen every day but to read about them all...it's like a big support group.

I am married to a wonderful woman, and we have one young child. My wife and I actually met at work when we were both single and have always had a great connection on most levels except one...sex. Now I know that as a man, it is not uncommon for me to want sex perhaps more than she does. And I further understand that the usual reaction to that kind of statement is one of skepticism and some judgement. But what I mean is that in all the years we've been together, sex has been almost non-existant. I'm speaking of once every 8 weeks or so, there would be basic, bare bones, don't do this, don't do that, feel like we were doing it so I'd leave her alone sex. Point being, I felt and feel like we drifted into a partnership rather than a relationship. And I suppose that deprevation is only adding fuel to the fire.

A few months ago a new woman started working in my office. She too is about my age, married with kids. Our conversations are innocent enough, there is no talk of relationships or anything else, nor does she present herself in any suggestive way (dress or conduct), yet I find that I have developed a huge crush on her. So now I'm wondering if she feels the same way. Our office is small and quiet, so there's not a lot of reason for us to be chatting, but it happens with greater frequency. On occassion she will touch my shoulder or arm when there's no reason to. When she mentioned that she recently bought too much chocolate during a shopping trip, she mentioned that she was going to bring me the rest (not the office, just me). Just today I was out for lunch with other co-workers and she happened into the same place to grab something. She came over to say hi and ended up touching my shoulder twice when she was saying that she would see us back at the office. I think about her and look forward to seeing her everyday.

On the one hand I'm sure she's just being polite, on the other hand I am concerned about my ever increasing feelings and find myself fantasizing and wishing that she would come to my office and awkwardly confess having a crush on me. Of course when I read some of the other entries here, for example about conferences, I fantasize about other things.

Like I said I do love my wife and would be devistated if I couldn't see my child every day, and I'm sure that part of this is a "the grass is always greener" kind of thing. But reading about Claire and the notion of happiness between 2 married people... gets me thinking. I feel horny and guilty, just like Freud said we would.

5/10/2012 8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! I can't believe that other people feel this way. At least I know I'm not alone.

My story is so complicated who knows where to even begin. I have an on again/off again crush for the last four years and lately it's been very on. Like so many other people it started with a dream. I was never really attracted to him before but then I had the most realistic dream about him - all we did was make out - and instantly I became so attracted to him.

We've worked together for five years, we sat right next to each other until about 5 months ago when I took a new position and had to move my desk (we still meet for coffee everyday and I actually still work with him a ton). We've never talked about it but I've always considered him my work husband which might be odd since my actual husband also works there (it's a big company). I was so devestated when I had to move away from him and he seemed to be too.

He is the nicest guy really, he's a huge flirt and he's like that with everyone but with me it just seems different but then I think maybe I just think it's different and he really doesn't feel the same way. He always tells me I look good at work in person or if other people are around when we're together he won't say it but IM me later. I started doing my hair a different way lately and I seriously wish I had a picture of when he first saw it...he told me three times how good I looked that day and even told me I looked hot. It's sad but I find myself excited to do my hair that way now just for him.

We were just together at an event and someone assumed we were married and his wife was closeby and I was nervous she might have heard so I just kept saying "we're just friends" but he was laughing and joking around about it with the guy. Then later in the day he joked around about it with me again when we were alone.

Speaking of his wife, did I mention that we're friends too - which makes it that much worse. It seems like most people on here don't know too much about the other one's personal life...our personal lives are very connected - we are going on vacation this summer together (this makes me both super excited and really nervous). But come on, it's horrible that I feel this way about him knowing that I'm friends with his wife right (I only became friends with her because of him, I didn't know her before - not that it justifies it, but I felt like I needed to add that).

I love my husband and my family so much I would never want to do anything to hurt them but like so many I just want one kiss to see. Sometimes I think it would be nice to know for sure if he really feels the same way as me, but what would that do - we couldn't be together even if I knew it. It doesn't help that we're young. I've been with my husband since high school (about thirteen years now) he's the only guy I've ever been with and I feel like that plays into my crush even more because I do wonder what it would be like with someone else.

I purposedly have to try to not talk to him as much at work as I really want to because if he doesn't feel the same way I don't want to annoy him. We were at dinner at another friend's house last month and when he left her house he said thank you and hugged her and I was shocked with how jealous I was. It's embarassing with how jealous I was - I think it's because it makes me question, is he just a flirt with everyone and it's not just me.

It sucks, I don't want to feel this way - and like I said it's been on and off for four years, so will it ever stop? I think maybe if we don't work together it will but that thought makes me so sad I never want it to happen. It was nearly unbearable to go to work and not sit near him anymore, I can't imagine having to go and not see him at all!!

Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and helping me realize I'm not alone with this really frustrating crush!!

5/14/2012 12:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I posted a few months back about having hot sex with my forbidden crush. We hadn't discussed it or had any other physical contact since.

Well last week I couldn't stand it and I told him everything. I told him I couldn't stop thinking about him and how much I wanted him. I also said how I was confused and tried not to feel this way but I couldn't stop. Like above poster I also know his wife. So I feel so wrong.

His initial response was he liked me too, he's torn and thinks about me too, but he can't pursue anything cause he doesn't want to hurt her. I felt crushed to hear but also relieved that I got it off my chest.

I feel as if I have let a little of the feelings go and can focus more on my family. It was fun and agonizing while it lasted....hopefully the rest of the feelings can go too. I see him everyday. We talk, play and eat together. I hope it doesn't go on for years like some....I love my job to much to leave.

5/14/2012 1:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

These posts are absolutely facinating. I need your help, what a safe crowd.

I'm married and have a crush on a married co-worker... yada yada...

I don't want to have an affair,at least 90% of me doesn't. While I feel I can make my own choices about the impact of an affair to my own relationship and deal with my own guilt, I don't think I could bear the guilt of causing harm to someone else's marriage. (he has young children and a stay at home wife who gave up a career)

I honestly can't tell if he has a crush in return or whether I am projecting. We work together over email/IM/phone mostly and have only ever met a few times as we live in different states. He gives me tons of attention and is constantly telling me how great I am. This is where I struggle. Is he being honest only about my work and thinks I walk on water, patronizing to get more out of me, tells this to everyone, or likes me? I don't get to see him interacting with others enough to really be sure.

Anyways, while I am truely clueless about interpreting the message he is sending, I have no idea as to what to do about it. We work really well together and I enjoy it. I want to keep working together. I do like the attention, but I wish I could stop this obsession over thinking about him.

No comments have ever crossed the line, but we email, IM, or talk several times every day, and it's almost always business.That being said, we always tell each other when we are going to be gone or busy and know an awful lot about each other. I'm addicted to talking to him. He's been gone for several days and I was out of town too. The first thing he said to me this morning was "its good to hear your voice". He's said that before. He once sent me 12 IM pictures of roses because I said I was sad, just to cheer me up. Later he told me, TWICE, that he has never sent roses to anyone. I'm sure he just meant IM roses. We've had a couple of spontaneous hugs out of excitement and for congratulations, buts its not regular thing or a greeting or anything, and it wasn't awkward or planned. I have several colleges that I hug every time I see them.

On the contra-evidence side of things. We were on a business trip together, we went upstairs together after having a couple drinks with fellow travelers, our rooms were 2 doors down. I suggested we step into his room to finish our conversation because of the noise(midnight) and we just stood there 2 feet from the door and talked about business for 45 minutes, and ... nothing.

How have you folks with multiyear crushed handled it?

How have you folks that have made the first "cross the line" move done it?

Anyone goof, tell their affection object and not have it reciprocated?

Am I imagining things or not? Does he have a crush on me too?

How do I make it stop?

5/23/2012 2:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow I am glad I found this place. I am married and so is he. It has been a case for me at least of admiring from afar but lately I have noticed he seems to be taking more interest in me. I must admit, it is hard to keep the afar part. He is gorgeous, graceful tall, elegant, kind, and very respectful of others and has the sexiest voice that I could listen to all day long. His wife is a very lucky woman. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to be with him, even for a night. I am married as well and don't think that I would ever act on this but part of me wonders...what would it be like...what if. I know I have to fight this feeling because nothing good would ever come of it, but still..I think I am in deep with this and have to find a way to deal with it.

5/23/2012 11:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing good ever comes of it. Exactly. Broken marriages are not good for the conscious or the kids.

Their is a chance your crush doesn't feel the same way. If your a women and the guy is a good friend, he will be flattered probably and your friendship won't be effected. But if your a male and you tell a women you have a crush, say bye bye to your friendship and maybe your job. Good chance that women will always think your trying to scheme your way into her pant. Which we are, whether we want to admit or not.

You could always blame the booze, but that hardly ever works.

5/24/2012 8:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am also in the same situation of having a MASSIVE crush on my married co-worker who I know feels exactly the same way. It has progressed to pretty explicit emails and there has been one kiss. It feels like having the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other. I know it's wrong and if I was the wife and found out how devastated I would be but at the same time, I'm not the one that would be cheating. At the moment the decision of if anything happens lies with me, aarrggghhh the responsibility is too much!! Please someone one who has been through this post whether it's worth it

5/25/2012 4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am in love with two men. I am a married woman with two small children. I have recently within the past month, began an emotional affair with my boss. He is married as well with two children. I am married 12 yrs and he 25. I love my husband. But I somehow think I am not IN love with him. He treats me like a queen. He does everything for me. But I have in the past six months or so, been unattracted to him. He has anger and mood issues. I don't want him physically. And that is not really much of an issue as he is not very sexual and has never been.

Along comes man number two, my boss. He is new to our place of employment. We just click. We have spent hours texting and talking on the phone, when we can. This past week, he told me he loves me. He has more than hinted before, by telling me he is in love with 2 women. But he asked me "Why do you love me so much?". I was blown away. I turned it around and said, Do you love me?". He said what kind of question is that. I told you that two days ago." But he hadn't. So I made him tell me. He professed his love. I did too. It was a great relief to both of us. He loves me so much. He has it bad, but I thinking do too.

We are like two lovesick teenagers. He texts me all day long and seeks calls to me. We had one small kiss. It was amazing. Neither of us are wanting more than this yet.

I don't feel guilty. I don't know why. My first husband cheated on me and that devestated me. He did not love me anymore. Now I feel like I forgive him. It was 15 years ago, and I get it. People aren't meant to be monogamous. If they were then 50% of us wouldn't be cheating.

I feel like I need to talk to someone. Thanks for letting it be all of you.

I love my new love, with passion. We have a lot in common. We are both extremely sad when we can't see each other. It is a long 3 day weekend. I just want to go to work. I have gone from begging for Friday to dreading it.

I know that if my husband read this, he wouldn't know it was me. But my boyfriend would. He seems to hang on my every word, and I on his. He is so intelligent, caring, compassionate, and loving. I just wish he was all mine.

Don't know where this is going, but I'm having the ride of my life, a high I have never felt before. I don't want it to stop. I am in total love. This too shall pass I am sure, as it can't go on like this forever. He said that too. It can't last forever, can it?

5/27/2012 6:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Three day weekends are the worst sometimes.

5/27/2012 2:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I am in a similar situation. Nothing physical has happened (except for a quick hug) but it is amazing to me how we both pretend that our level of comfort and interaction with each other is normal, especially in the workplace.

5/27/2012 5:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Three day weekends are the worst sometimes."

I've been feeling the same way and have been unable to get my married crush off my mind all weekend. Right before we left for the holiday, we flirted a bit in a way that we never had before which left me all giddy and thinking about the possibilities that maybe something WOULD happen between us although I've been telling myself over the past year or more that nothing ever would happen.

Despite the fact that nothing has happened, I still feel guilt over wanting him so much. Though I've never seen his wife, I now know what her name is and that makes her a bit more real to me. I'm ashamed of myself for wanting her husband the way I do. What is wrong with me? Sure, it's only human to be attracted to others, but this is a crush that I can't seem to shake and I really need to. It isn't right and to pursue anything with him would only end in heartbreak for me. I have to let it go.

5/28/2012 1:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh dear.. I feel so sorry for all of us..

I have been working with him for the past 3 years. We have always been close and friendly and spend a great amount of time together on a daily basis.

I sensed something different in the air between us about a month ago and I have caught us wildly flirting ever since.. Hugging, holding hands and our faces a couple of inches apart when talking..
I want to rip his pants off.. you have NO idea! Can't get him out of my mind and I keep fantasizing about us together.

He is married (to a much older woman) and I have a long term relationship with someone I love. I do not want him to leave his family or me to leave my current relationship.

Such a bizarre feeling..

Thanks all for being here and sharing all this.. It's good to know that I am not alone!

6/02/2012 4:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here I am again ...the one in love with her boss. We have such strong feelings for each other. He was pining away for me so badly during our Memorial Day weekend, that we schemed a plan to see each other. We were almost two hours away from each other but he invited me and my family to visit him at his second home. So I told my husband I wanted us to go and we did. It was strange to meet his wife and one of his daughters. But I and he felt no guilt. We loved it. It was odd, but ok. I thought it may have changed things for him or me to see what we have to lose. Or to compare me to her or my husband to him.

But it didn't....at least at first. He was great with it or so he thought. The he told me on Tuesday he felt differently. I was crushed. I cried and told him I felt he betrayed me. It was rocky that night. But he explained to me that that day he felt "dirty" about us even though we did nothing.

Things were better after we talked that night and now we are back and stronger than ever. We don't want to hurt our families, but his love has me realizing what I want. I want to feel great about the person in my life. I don't want to feel ok, but seek to feel high. I never had that before. My husband will die if he if finds out. We both vowed to never hurt the other. Strange thing, but I just want happiness. I have ALWAYS been the one to let my husband chose everything, from what I drive, to what we eat for dinner, to if we go out. Tired of all that. I have a voice and I am using it.

Even before I met my new boyfriend, I started changing. I go out with my friends, I picked my own new car, I choose what I want more and more. I feel liberated. I feel new and I like myself again. I feel important.

My husband told me last night I was his soulmate. He's not mine. My boyfriend is mine. And we both feel that way, but it's not going to happen for us as we have too much to lose in our lives. I want him so badly to be mine. I want to tell people I'm in love.

I am glowing and everyone sees it. I have had more compliments in the past month. It's surreal and I am on a high. Why does life have to be so complicated?

Like I said before, thanks for this blog, as I can't talk to anyone about this but my boyfriend. He feels just like me. We are doomed!!!!

6/02/2012 3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My married coworker crush got another job. :( My first reaction was sadness that I wouldn't be seeing him around anymore. Then I thought, it's probably best that he's leaving so that we won't be around to tempt one another. Then I thought, it's probably best that he's leaving so that we wouldn't have to work together in case we DO ever have an affair...

Mostly, I'm just sad that he's leaving and really sad that we didn't meet before he got married. :(

6/03/2012 10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. So I'm not alone.
He's 15 years older than me, married for 8 years, with no kids. I'm married and with 1 kid.
Started at this job a few months ago, from day one I was attracted to him, he was attracted to me too. He's also a very nice man, so it was easy to talk to him and get friendly in a professional way. About a month and a half ago we started flirting, we made excuses to go to each other's work stations, and discuss some work, flirt and talk....he asked me to come by everymorning to brighten his day....so I started doing that jokingly at first. We would chat all day, go out for lunch, stare at each other during meetings, smile a lot.
Then one night, we were both working late (we work on different floors) so I texted him that I was going to get some coffee and he said to come over to his office to have coffee with him. I went, we were talking and laughing like always, and then all of a sudden we were passionately kissing, OMG, I hadn't been kissed like that in years!!!We only stopped because someone on the first floor called because food had arrived and they were looking for us...
Next week, he came up to my office once...working late again, and it all happened again but had to stop because there were still people on the other floors.
At this point we knew how badly we both wanted each other, the flirting was more intense, and all I could do is think about him all the time. Although we promised each other not to fall in love, neither of us intends on leaving our spouses.
Then the next week, working late (we both work 12-14 hours a day) we just decided to go to a hotel, made love, felt great!!!!
I glow, I've lost weight, I feel sexy and beautiful!
No more intimate contact since then, he's on vacation for 2 weeks. It is killing me!!! I don't want to stop this....my husband will not touch me as he did years ago, he's not interested in me in a sexual way, believe me, I've tried everything...he just says he's tired all the time.

I want my lover to be back, and to want me and to make crazy love to me.....
Am I nuts?

6/05/2012 1:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No your not nuts. Your in an affair and you feel great! It's par for the course and enjoy it but be prepared for what can happen.

6/05/2012 9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. Me again, with her boss. I am totally in love. We are in love. His marriage has no issues per se and he can't think about that. But my marriage is one sided. I don't think that I truly love my husband anymore. But I won't leave him. He would die.

I am in a secret affair. Last night I went on a date with my new boyfriend. It was incredible. We are love struck teens. I am 43 years old and I love another man. Boy what a man he is. So perfect for me. I could listen to him for hours. We kissed for the second time last night. Our first kiss was a peck, and it was a great ice breaker. That was a few weeks ago.

Last night we made out like lovestruck teens. Then we just stared at each other a whole lot. I played footsie with him at the restaurant. It was so great. He called me on our way home. We flirted a bit more. I wish we could have spent the night together.

He texted me first thing this am and then called me. I am exhilarated. It is nice to know that this isn't just physical, although I am betting it will be. He loves me for my mind,. I am witty, and smart, sharp as a tack. He loves that. Intellectually matched. My husband is not these things. They say opposites attract, but this time no. We are so good together.

I don't know where I am going but being blindfolded in all this is exciting and I wouldn't take any of this back. It is helping me grow as a person, something I stopped doing 12 years ago.

6/09/2012 5:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I posted back on May 10 and now I have to update everyone. I was always wondering if my crush felt the same way...well wonder no more. Last week she was away on a business trip and sent me an email which was innocent enough but for one reference to her thinking she was being hit on. We conversed back and forth and I began to notice a more playful tone to her messages. I couldn't help but play along and before the night was out there was, what could only be seen as, definate flirting. It continued the next day (the day she was due to return). She stopped by the office on her way home because we both knew we had to see each other.

The first 20 minutes or so were pure torture. There were still people hanging around the office and all we could do was make small talk though my pulse never dropped below 120. Finally after everone had left, we had a bit of a serious chat about what what were clearly our desires for each other.

Being that we're both involved she said she didn't want to push past any boundry that I was not comfortable with. Of course by this time I was going out of my mind anyway so when I was sure the coast was clear, I leaned in for a kiss. Just a simple kiss at first to let her know how I feel. She was happy with that, but of course we weren't about to go our seperate ways just yet. She stood and we started kissing again, at first tenderly and then more pasionately, deeply. Our hands were all over each other. I was in heaven! Sadly I haven't been kissed like that in years. We must have stood there for 20 minutes or more, knowing we had to leave, but not wanting to go.

So now the weekend is here and we are apart. We still sneak in an email or two (she claimed she had me tied up in a dream and was having her way with me :) ) Monday never felt so far away and I know when we get to work again we will be surrounded by co-workers and will have to keep our hands off each other. Pure torture to be sure.

We're still going to have to figure out how we can do this, after all our schedules are not forgiving, but just knowing she's there and we are for each other is fantasic.

6/10/2012 10:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwwww! I LOVE that at least you both found the courage to tell each other how you feel!
I was away for a week last month and we also had Emails and skype messages going back and forth.. I thought I had a deja vu reading your story!
I know that you are in an even more difficult situation right now but try and enjoy it as much as you can!
I am not going to see him for a good 2 +1/2 months now.. hope I'll survive! ;o) Marzipan

6/10/2012 11:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwwww! I LOVE that at least you both found the courage to tell each other how you feel!
I was away for a week last month and we also had Emails and skype messages going back and forth.. I thought I had a deja vu reading your story!
I know that you are in an even more difficult situation right now but try and enjoy it as much as you can!
I am not going to see him for a good 2 +1/2 months now.. hope I'll survive! ;o) Marzipan

6/10/2012 11:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here I am..the weekend is here and I just can't stop thinking about him. He is married and I am too. So far there have just been looks, and smiles back and forth. I go by his desk a few times a day and he has followed me a few times, trying to connect but there are always so many people around... I am so frustrated now but Monday is coming and I intend to find out much much more about this beautiful man. I know I want him so badly. He is exquisite and takes my breath away...

6/10/2012 7:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's the one with her boss again.

Well we are both falling deeper and deeper in love. We went out after work last night for a drive. We ended up in a campground under the canopy of trees. We sat there just making out like we are 16. I didn't want it to end. Neither of us has ever felt so in love with anyone ever before.

I am not guilty about any of this. I love him. He is AMAZING! He is the one I've always dreamt of. He is 7 years older than me. But seems like he's 10 years younger than me. We are so good for each other.

After we parted last night I went for a drink at the bar my husband and I used to go to, when we were dating. I sat there wondering WTF I was doing. I texted a friend who could tell I wasn't good. He jumped in his car and drove 45 minutes to come and listen.

I confided in him. It felt good to get that off my chest. To tell someone. He made me come to my senses and deal with my marriage and my new boyfriend separately. He told me not to let this guy cloud the issues in my marriage. I knew that and was trying to keep a level head over this.

I want to be with my boyfriend all day long, but that is not possible. We have been ingenious at getting together on the weekends if even for a few hours. We live an hour from each other. We have families that depend on us. But I can't help feeling like I don't want this feeling to end. I want happiness not complacency.

Is it wrong of me to want happiness for myself over my family?

6/12/2012 6:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No it's not wrong. Wish Your story was mine.

6/13/2012 1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am not alone! I read pages of this before I could muster courage to vent this out but I must. I fell for my boss who is 14 yrs. elder to me and happily married with a grown up son who goes to college. He is a very nice person and supports talent and basically anything that is right. I liked him for his ideas and for his strong business sense. When I met him 10 yrs. agao, he was living away from family and still is. He goes to meet his family only on weekend as they won move in with him due to his wife's parental and son's education constraints. It all started when he started tocuhing me sexually 9 yrs. ago..then he invited me for breakfast one day and i obliged which was a big mistake. He touched my breasts and tried to come close to me. Being a virgin I was terrified and left from there. After that he kept telling me that he will never do anything that I dont want to do and in a few days time, I trusted him again and we met and i know that I was mentally prepared for it this time. He loved my body and finally inserted in inside. I didnt even know when it happened becuase i was a virgin and he is so small...but once this started, we have been at it since. I got married 6 yrs. ago and now have a daugther but it is still on and off. More on than off recently I should say. I know that he loves his wife and has not had sex with him since he met me but I am not able to understand how can he love both of us? He claims that you know. I hate his wife and I hate him but I just cant stop myself from having sex with him whenever I am with him. I hate myself becuase I have never been able to love and respect my husband like I love and respect him. I hate myself because I am cheating on my husband and kid. But I am unable to stop it. Part of the problem arises from the fact that my husband is very big and its painful to have sex with him. Another thing is constant compraison between him and my husband in which he always wins over my husband. I have tried many times to reason with him and tell him that I cant have sex with him but he just starts off and then i cant stop it. I am really trying to get away but work situation is also where i have to meet him regularly and we travel together a lot. I am going bersek thinking that he took leave to be with his wife on her birthday and had sex with only 2 days later. He says that we are meant for each other and neither of us can do anythign in this matter but I dont accept or believe that. I am hurt, jealous and madly in love. What should I do? I want to give my husband a fair chance too. I want to love him like I never have. But till my boss is there in my life, I just cant do it. I am unable to comprehend how can be boys/men be so dual minded and love 2 people at the same time? It always seems to be that he has given his heart to her and body to me. I knwo I will never be as important as his wife in his life but still the sex? He has said many times that I should have his kid and I enever let that happen but would he be able to take care of the baby and me if it ever happened? I knwo the answer is no but still I am at it. I think its not love but pure lust- at least from his side. Then why cant I stop it? Any advise?

6/14/2012 8:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here I am again, with the 15 year older married coworker.
While on vacation he did send me a couple of text messages to which I didn't respond, you know I don't know if his wife checks his cell phone. So this Monday when he came back it was a little weird for both of us. I wondered if he'd had time to think about it and was going to tell me it was all a mistake, I wondered if he still wanted to keep going at what we're doing.
Then during a staff meeting we started texting and I was relieved to find out it was all OK.
We made love again, in that same conference room on Tuesday after everyone was gone from the office. I can't resist this man, I wish I we didn't have to go to our homes and could spend a whole night together....
In the office we've grown more distant, we don't want anyone to be suspicious of what is going on, but I miss him!!! and all this flirting while chatting is getting me so horny that I wish I could go to his office and just do it right now!!!
This is bad, but feels soooo good!!!!

6/15/2012 11:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am happy for you. I want that too. It is on my horizon.

6/15/2012 1:45 PM  
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6/15/2012 8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am totally fascinated by this girl I have met on line through work. We have not actually met in the flesh, but we have talked on the phone, emails and messenger. She is so pretty, funny, feminine and extremely smart. Everyone morning I log onto messenger I am excited to see if she is online. I get excited to talk to her on the phone (that voice!) and I think she definitely likes me too - we are flirty and have talked about things outside of work. I am married with 3 kids so - very happily married believe it or not - but I cannot stop thinking about this girl. She has got under my skin in the worst way. The part that makes me most crazy is that I can't tell her how I feel, she can't tell me and I am not 100% convinced what she is really feeling. She knows I am married so she is not going to push it and I sometimes mention 'my wife' to keep things above board. I don't know what to do - I can't stop thinking about her. Help!

6/15/2012 9:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I thought my story was so special...

I am married to a beautiful, loyal, intelligent woman who gave birth to my beautiful son. A couple of months I switched jobs, and one day, while I was cracking jokes with a guy friend a woman standing nearby approached us and joined in...

There was a lot of flirting since then... initiated by her, mostly. She would flash me beautiful smiles while we would pass each other in the hallway, and wink whenever there was no-one around to see it. We don't work on the same projects but in the rare times we talked about work, she would stand so close to me... I could almost imagine her moving in to kiss me, before I would wake up to the reality of people all around us and the glass walls of her office.

And she is so hot... It is her I imagine when I'm fucking my wife... but that's not the worst thing. Every Friday night I would wait for my wife to sleep and then crawl out of our bed, to go to kitchen, to drink wine until the wee hours and listen to songs on my iPod... to help me cope with the despair of possibly unrequited love... to fuel my fantasies of her loving me back. I just want to kiss her so bad... to get drunk with her then go down on her... to stare into her pupils while we're fucking and she cries my name. I'm going completely crazy.

To make matters worse, she's started avoiding me. I still catch her looking at me, but not directly and only when she thinks I'm looking the other way. Perhaps she thinks I've "rejected" her by not approaching her and asking her out. Or it is only now that she found out I'm married (although I always wear my ring) and wants none of it. If only I could change jobs again, but I can't.

6/16/2012 9:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe I am googling this and hear I am. Up until now I wanted to think I was this sound, intelligent woman that did the right thing and avoided situations that were bad or wrong. After all, I'm 38 and I know better. And then last week happened...

I've been at this job for 9 months and over the past week things have become more friendly and flirtatious with my wonderful coworker. Him and I just have it. We laugh all the time and truly bring out the best in each other, professionally and by the chemistry between us. We get along on so many levels which makes this situation all the more deadly.

He's married, two young children and a wife. From what I know he's happy. I'm single and dating. We had dinner together on Saturday after a long day of work with other coworkers -- we were texting each other all day Saturday and decided to ditch the crowd and have a meal before going home. It didn't feel like a date, but at the same time there were a million things going on in my head.

We talked about work, but it was clear there was/is more. And now I'm stuck. But I need to un-stick myself from this situation and do the right thing. But I don't want to! I would date him in a heartbeat if I could and there's a part of me that keeps wondering what he's thinking. He said that we should 'do it again' for dinner and has made comments about us having lunch together too. It just seems like I'm swimming in dangerous waters. Because I am.

The truth is I need to confess what I feel. Perhaps I need to just tell him how I feel and then once it's out I can move on because he knows I'm not about to embark on some affair and put our careers (and his family) at risk. He's fearless about us spending time together. I seem to be the one that cares about what is going on and who's watching...

Thank goodness we don't work together and our offices are in separate buildings. Nothing has happened so far but for some emails, a handful of texts, and some time together over meals. I just already see this has all the ingredients for disaster but I am just about sure we're both thinking the same thing. I want to unthink all of this with him!

6/18/2012 1:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It sounds as if he already knows how you feel. He knows that you won't risk anything? You need to talk to him.

6/18/2012 11:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shoulda...coulda...woulda...now he' s "Just somebody that I used to know"!. Thought the feelings would go away....new job, new people .... But not the case... Constant thoughts, memories and .....never regret something that once made you smile!!!

6/18/2012 7:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Am in same boat. Gone crazy about my married co-worker but have no courage to tell him, which I guess is good. I am sure he has sensed it. I can sense similar feelings from his end and the dilemma. Trying to stay busy at work and away from him. Hoping the storm will pass by without causing any damage!

6/19/2012 3:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here again with the 15 year older married coworker.

Life is good, period.
We're finding a way to make this work for us, making whatever time we can to be together, planning our week around so we can sneak out and not have to make love in the conference room haha!
There is this friendship bond that is developing between us, mostly because we can't be together all the time, and we, well, we talk about our lifes, about our day, about work, our past, we're getting to know each other and I'm opening up to him like I used with my husband. I'm finding that I like him as a person, putting aside the affair, I truly like this man for who he is. But I think we're too deep into this for it to go back to just being a friendship, and I don't want it to turn into a relationship. After all, we're both married.

He makes my day, every day. I actually look forward to coming to work just to be near him, even if we don't have a chance to even sneak a little kiss.

What worries me is that I go home and feel absolutely no regrets, I'm able to look my husband in the eyes, I'm able to make plans with him, and I'm able to have a family life. I've said that things are not going well with my husband, but actually now I'm always in a better mood and we don't fight as much.
Is it possible that my affair with this wonderful man is actually helping my marriage???

I'm so glad I found this place to vent....

6/19/2012 7:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I posted on 5/23. I wasn't sure how to figure out if the feelings were mutual or I it was just my silly fantasy. I had an innocent enough event planned for us to be out of the office for a few hours together. It didn't help at all, same signals, plenty of opportunity, but then nothing.
However, when I dropped him off I got a hug and some very lingering eye contact. I thought he might try to kiss me, but we were in the office parking lot.

But the eyes don't lie, so I sent him a cryptic email suggesting that I would have returned it had the location not been so inappropriate.

Once he figured out what my email meant he admitted that indeed that was what he was thinking.

NOW WHAT????

It was one thing when it was just a vivid day dream. But, oh no.

6/19/2012 9:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yes, we need to talk. But what do I say? And this afternoon I got the invitation to call him anytime. Even at home. Weird, right? I told him flat out that I was not the type to cause waves with his wife. Let's be real - I'm single, he's married. If I was the wife how would I feel? He said I could never cause problems... oh boy! What is he really trying to get from me? He said that married people have friends, too, but I didn't comment on that.

I think he's thinking too much about me. But he doesn't seem to mind. It didn't occur to me just how much until today. I can feel things simply intensifying on his end. It's like being on this weird journey, not really know what is going to happen next, but not sure if you even want to be on the ride you're on. Bizarre indeed. But I guess I'm not helping things either because the more I know about him the more I like him.

Is he just fooling himself about this situation? He seems to want to know what I'm thinking and take our conversations/emails further and get to know each other more. But then at the same time says absolutely nothing about being unhappy at home. I totally don't get it..

I'm not about to do anything dumb but for some reason it feels like he likes the challenge. I already know I'm in a bit of trouble over this.

Maybe a man's perspective on this might help because I haven't a clue what is going on on his end.

6/19/2012 11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok. Screw the advice. I have done enough reading online that I've scared the crap out of myself and this situation that I'm just going to not give any of this more fuel.

I take responsibility for this for what perhaps I've done in feeding into our 'friendship' that has ensued outside of a normal professional environment. Let me tell you - to be a single woman working in a male-dominated environment you have so much stacked against you. It is difficult to simply become "friends" and not have others (or said guy) think that it can/will/could be more. It's freaking me out right now.

But... I'm glad I have seen the light, so to speak, and really need to give my head a good shake over this. My career is in a decent place right now and this situation only reiterates how careful I need to be. I've underestimated everything.

I have zero interest in having any special emotional connection with any of the guys I work with as it's just wrong for me, let alone whoever else is involved. I have to protect myself first. Tomorrow is a new day...

6/20/2012 1:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you should only worry about you. So what you want. Sounds like you talked yourself off the ledge. You didnt want to jump and you're safe for now. If you are serious just tell him that you're not comfortable being his friend. Brutal honesty.

6/20/2012 10:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just googled office crush and you are not alone. A guy at work, married never told me and it came up in convo with another co worker, the attraction between us was very strong and I wish I had saw his ring before I began desiring and fantasizing about him. Never theless, these relationships, do not last. They are deceitful and can lead to much hurt and pain for a few moments of pleasure. I really liked this guy and still do but now he says hi, not like he used to and looks remorseful. We never exchanged numbers or anything but the desire to see each other was very strong at work. It hurts badly and I am glad that it did not go further because it could have been worse in separating my feelings for him to get refocused. I try to avoid contact with him, not easy, I think other co workers might be aware but I have backed off. Think he was not ready for marriage but did it anyway, nevertheless... It's best not engage in this type of relations, distract yourself with other things, see other people.. move on. Don't let feelings get the best of you. I say that not from a place of being completely over it, I hurt, I cry, he has no idea, but eventually I will confront him, because, he seems to be going through it too. I really like him, but I am going from infatuation to being upset, it seems like there is no way I can spend time with him.......

6/20/2012 8:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so blown away by how common this is and the fact that I have fallen so hard for this guy at work. It's been over a year now that I've been pining over this guy, I try to avoid him hoping the feelings would just go away but it's only gotten worse. These feelings are killing me and I can't do a thing about it, don't think I'll ever have the guts to tell him either. I really don't know what I want but when I see him my heart beats a million miles per hour, and when he looks at me it just makes me melt. I try to act natural and not let anyone see how I'm actually dying inside when he's around. He likes me back which makes matters worse but neither of us will ever act on it, we'll just sit here day in and day out suffering in silence. But I think that eventually one of us is just going to snap and say something because the tension between us has been building up for so long and I physically can't take it anymore!!! I just want to know for sure if he really does like me, because sometimes I start to doubt it and think I'm just imagining it but then he throws me all kinds of subtle signals and it's driving me nuts! All I know is that I'm undeniably, unequivocally, madly attracted to this man and I just want to know what he's feeling because I'm so sick of these mind games! I'm getting to a stage where I'm really frustrated and seeing him makes me physically hurt be because I want him so bad...wish he would just come out with it and tell me something, anything that would confirm my feelings because not knowing is the worst part of all!

6/22/2012 2:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey "I am so blown away" (above), I wish my crush would post here and leave a hint that it was her. It is so hard for a man to be so forward with his feelings in the workplace, with all the workplace code of conducts holding us back. Not saying we want to cross the line in a major way. But we tend to stay as far as we can from it. So ladies, if your crushing and you feel he's crushing on you, why not open the door for him to show what he's feeling. If my crush opens the door I'm going to walk right on in. :)

6/23/2012 8:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen brother. Because after all, if the other party is reading this blog in the first place, then there must be something there. Right? If there is nothing there then he/she wouldn't be reading this blog, and hence, no danger of him/her ever seeing it.

6/24/2012 1:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there man who wants a hint (above), it's "I'm so blown away" from the previous comment. I appreciate your advice, but it's so hard for a woman to come out and expose her feelings with so much on the line. What do you suggest I do to "open the door" so to say? Not sure if I even want to do anything about my feelings for my crush but I just want to know if he feels the same way and if all the signals I think I've been getting from him are in fact real. To tell you the truth for a second when I first saw your comment I hoped that you were my crush posting on here to tell me that he does in fact like me back, now wouldn't that be amazing!!! But what are the odds of that happening... ;)

6/24/2012 1:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you want to know whether his feelings are real or not then you've already decided what you want to do about your own feelings.

6/24/2012 7:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there "blown away"! Its "open door". To find your crush here, confessing a crush for you, yes that would be amazing! To be honest reading your post was somewhat similar to my situation and I could only be so lucky for my crush to post here. I've given so thought to your last post and what suggestions I could offer. So I tried to imagine how my crush could open the door. To me straight to the point works best, but by your post you may prefer something more subtle. If your crush is anything like me, he's a terrible "subtle" signal reader. I would like to have a workplace lunch date with my crush. If she invited me to meet for lunch that'd be special. I consider us friends already so that wouldn't be weird. It would be a good chance to communicate even better if you can steer it where you want it to go. If your lucky your crush will want to do it again, I would make a point to suggest we do it again. But I guess the main idea would be some one on one interpersonal communication. I too have tried using avoidance to squelch this crushing. I felt like it was about to boil over and when something boils over, it makes a mess. A mess is the last thing I want. Lol. I could go on in on about my crush experiences, but I won't. At least not now, and probably not here. If you find something that works, please let me know ;) Anyway good luck. "open door man" p.s. If I come up with other ideas I'll post. Some of you other readers have any ideas. I may want try some ldesa myself.

6/25/2012 1:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there open door it's blown away :) are you up late thinking about your crush too? Lol...thanks for the feedback, I think I'm still too scared to do anything to get my crushes attention, I can barely keep my breathing under control when I see him so asking him out to lunch is way out of my capabilities at the moment. All I have are my fantasies and I think it may just stay that way because I don't want to ruin my reputation at work and everything I've worked so hard for, but that's just my rational brain talking...what my heart is telling me is a whole other story! Wish that life wasn't so complicated, but have to admit all this intrigue and mystery is exciting. Will keep you posted on any developments and hope you find your way through all this as well.

6/25/2012 2:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey all, thought crushes only happened to teenage high school kids but here I am up until all hours of the night thinking about someone I can never have because they already belong to someone else :( this really hurts, so why did it even happen in the first place? I didnt ask for this or want it, this crush just came out of nowhere and surprised me and now it's torture to work with this person and not be able to do or say anything about how I truly feel. Wish I can go back and not let myself get so wrapped up in all this, too late though I'm such a gonner...

6/28/2012 1:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. It's definitely torture. I feel a connection to my crush like no other. It's like we naturally sync and it's obvious when we work together. Others have noticed so I have faked nonchalance in an effort to stay in control and respect him. I could never "open the door" to him because the effect would be devastating if he is not ready to move forward. I think we both think we're strong by resisting temptation, but I have begun to think it is cowardice that keeps us from seeing the amazing place this could take us. Too bad. Hope it will fade.

6/28/2012 9:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn...here I am married with children and absolutely unable to forget about her. She's beautiful, thoughtful adventurous. It makes working with her even more difficult. We've only hung out a couple of times after our shift and feel an instant connection. The hardest part is knowing that we would be amazing together...This is crazy...what to do......

6/29/2012 3:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Me again..horrible feeling that she is leaving soon...or maybe thats a blessing..either way my heart aches....

6/29/2012 4:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm in a similar situation.

I have been working with a female co-worker closely for some time and it's becoming apparent to both of us that we are immensely attracted to one another.

Problem is, we're both married, and neither of us are intent of leaving our spouses and/or families.

The reason I get up in the morning and go to work everyday is her. We are extremely flirtatious to one another; at least bad enough that our co-workers have started to suspect an inter-office affair between us, which only complicates the situation further.

I am a professional, and a gentleman. The last thing I want to do is ruin two marriages, and possibly two careers. I would sooner live in this pain than take a risk and tell her how I fell about her. But the fantasies and the pining are extremely tumultuous at this point.

6/30/2012 1:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I googled this also, still crushing at work, interesting this blog says new york and alot of us want to accidentally but purposefully find our crush here, sharing information. I have tried to let this crush thing go, but his smile, in the hallway, or elevator at work is too addictive. He is absolutely gorgeous, newly married which baffled me and I posted earlier but the attraction is so strong. I worked on the same floor with him last year before he got married but I paid no attention to him. Actually, he started the flirting with me, and I did not really notice until sometime later.. Once he asked me personal information, away from the office,and I am such a conversationalist but when around him, I freeze up, it's like an adrenaline rush, and I am highly aroused. Not a home wrecker and I constantly coach myself, that is there is more for me but this dude is gorgeous, healthy, tall and professional. I feel innocent that I crushed on him before I found out that he was married but I went over in my mind, as we all do, every moment of interaction with him. He initiated a lot,and has done much to get my attention,we are around the same age thirty something and work for a large company in the city.. Trying hard to focus on other things, sadly, I understand how people crush for years, but I will not be doing that and I will not desire him to be divorced, that is just selfish and crazy, I really would like a healthy friendship but I would have to have space to really get over him...I love the attention from him to much and I give him attention too.

6/30/2012 9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have had a cruch on a co-worker for quite some time. We talk every day. He is married (not happily) with 2 children. I was dreaming about him and thinking of him when I woke up till I went to bed. I felt as though I had to be honest and tell him how I felt. I asked if I could talk to him at work and we went into an office. I told him straight out that I was attracted to him. He saids he was really flattered and he wouldn't be telling the truth if he said he wasn't attracted to me. After the conversation he came to my desk really chirpy and chatty and offered to fix a couple things at my house. The next day during our lunch break he came over and fixed a light fitting. I said to him, can we talk about our conversation the other day. He sat down and said he is attracted me and has thought about me a number of times. I said to him, so you wouldn't go there. He said he wouldn't say no. I kissed him and we ended up in bed. It's been 2 days and he text to say he couldn't call in FRiday night as he had commitments at home with kids. Then Saturday night he had commitments as well. I am so frustrated as I want to see him, but I don't know what he wants. I don't want to chase him. What to do ??????????????????

6/30/2012 7:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm so relieved to know that I'm not alone in dealing with intense feelings for a coworker. I've developed a huge crush on my married coworker whom I've only known for several months now. He is so incredibly attractive and has such a great personality. I've tried to ignore my feelings for him and I've even tried to reason with myself by thinking about how ridiculous and even inappropriate it is for me to have a crush on my coworker who appears to be happily married. Even though I understand all of this it still hasn't done a thing to remove these feelings. If anything, my attraction towards him has become much more intense. I definitely believe that the attraction is mutual. He constantly compliments me and the eye contact between us is so electric that it sends chills down my spine. It is almost orgasmic. We definitely try to create ways to interact with each other without it being so obvious, although I think that the sexual tension has become so strong that it's making things feel very awkward between us. He makes me look forward to going into work just so that I can see his sexy ass. I know that realistically any attraction between us will not lead to anything. I don't think that we are willing to risk our marriages and he is way too religious to allow himself to cross any lines. But, the thought of crossing a lot of lines has definitely been something that I have fantasized about. I really hate that I can't just get over this ridiculously insane crush!

7/02/2012 10:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Advice needed from any guys (or women). I am completely crazy about this guy I've been working with. We get along really well and he has done so much to help me with my work-load. I think it was made clear from the get-go that I had a crush on him - really looked up at him - and I think he liked it but he did mention his wife a few times - I sensed to keep things in check. Then things seemed to heat up a bit and I felt he was flirting back and was a little taken with me. We were getting along REALLY well for a few days and then boom, he just cut me off and now avoids me completely. I know I didn't say or do anything wrong. In fact our last contact was really electric and positive. He and I have to finish up a joint project but he has neglected that for the time being and no longer comes to my end of the office. No emails or calls either. So I am confused. I asked him today if everything was okay and he was really really nice and said he was just swamped. Is he avoiding me - why?! I found out today he has 3 kids....

7/02/2012 6:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that sometimes the sexual tension that is created between two people that are attracted to each other can make things so awkward that it can lead to the avoidance of each other or one party to the other, especially when you have sexual tension that can never be resolved due to either both parties or one being in relationships already. Even though many married men cheat there are some who do value their relationships with their wives despite being physically attracted to someone else. He may be a smart man and wants to avoid putting himself into a situation that could jeopardize his relationship with his wife and 3 children. There are some men left in the world that do value love over sex. Trust me, this is something that I did not want to reason with myself but the truth is the truth. This man is probably putting out the sparks before it turns into a full fledge fire.

7/02/2012 8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with the avoidance issue, my crush at work definitely is attracted to me, but sometimes, he avoids me, other times, tries to grab me, it is an internal struggle but, out of respect, have to wake up to reality and not engage in the sexual tension, better to refocus on your mind on better things before you waste too much time... Avoid the heartbreak, alot of us are just caugt up in fantasy, and have unmet needs or are simply selfish.

7/02/2012 11:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the feedback. Your comment about putting out the sparks before it turns into a full-fledged fire rung true. For the last 4 months I have been super sweet and complimentary toward him and he has been putting in extra hours helping me with a project (which he will get no credit or payment for). I could tell he was always trying to keep it professional but couldn't resist my attention or our genuine connection. I would say that last week we spent together became quite intense in that we started talking more about things outside of work and he even mentioned that his wife did not really understand him. Cliche I know - but it was in context of a conversation about his love of travel and how she hates it. Anyways, we got along really well and were laughing a lot and texting - he initiating it. It felt comfortable and he commented how he really liked my company profile photo. That same week his wife called a few times when we were working and he had to go out the room to talk to her. It was a bit awkward when he came back in the room but we managed to continue working and laughing and so on. He said he would think about a problem I had over the weekend to solve it for me etc. Then the monday rolled around and he had shut-down. DAMN - I am absolutely smitten. But FULLY respect that a man is marriage and I am 'wicked' to persue him. I do get that. UGH. But I am crazy about him - googling him and finding him on FB etc. It's been 2 weeks now and he is still AWOL except for responding to my email saying he was just 'really busy'. He said he felt "awful that his distance had made me feel worried". (It was all in the context of work again). Oh well, I think I will have to just wait for him to come back and finish up this project. I used to look forward to go to work each day - now I feel sad. Thanks again for your input.

7/02/2012 11:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I get the impression that many of us log into this site to determine whether or not the object of our affection logs on here to post their experiences of wanting, desire, lust, etc. I know many previous posts I have read strike similarities to my situation, but none of them exact.

A number of previous posts deal with avoidance and detachment. I consider this a natural part of the game that's been played; we consider ourselves faithful, yet caught up in emotions that we are told are forbidden by society and religion. Yet we are faced with the the challenge of dealing with hormones -- even if we are well into middle age.

My situation is not entirely sexual. It's much more an emotional issue, and I am gravitated towards this particular coworker who gives me more than my spouse could ever give me, without there being any physical contact. And in this case I am very happy leaving things the way they are. If anything progressed any further, then there would be real trouble.

7/03/2012 1:35 AM  

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